Frustrating when I get sunburned.
Especially if it's because I involuntarily stay out for that critical extra period, where had I been able to get out the sun when I wanted to, I would have been fine.
I like snus. Feels fucking good when that high comes on. It's so smooth, so mildly euphoric, so relaxing and stimulating at the same time.
I even enjoy the sting.
I injured my rotator cuff. Thank God I'm in Brazil and can go to a physio for cheap.
I'm scared about having a wedding party. Legally I am already married. But I'm scared for the social commitment and what it means after. My wife wanting to have kids with me.
I'm turning 25 soon. I don't feel very ready to have kids.
I also increasingly am feeling myself desiring other women. Not great.
I know that for every beautiful woman out there there is a man who is tired of her shit. I know that there are plenty of girls out there that are only flirting with me because they either are desperate or want to 'steal' a married guy.
But I can't stop thinking about sex. Even with this SSRI I'm on. I can't stop thinking about fucking different girls. Asian girls, white girls, black girls, redheads, blondes, more tan girls, skinnier, bustier, flatter... younger, older...
I think even about all the different kind of pussies. Big or small. Fuck...
I don't really have any reason to be craving all this... except perhaps getting more in shape and doing tantric massages.
Fuck! It's so good to listen to fast beat electronic and funk music whilst on snus.
Fuck yeah.
Fuck I am glad I never tried cocaine.
I am pretty sure I would fuckin love it.
I'll probably end up trying when I'm 40 and regret not taking it when I was younger though. lol.
I won't masturbate for the rest of my trip if I can help it.
I'll see what it does to my testosterone and libido... I think it'll increase it. But fuck it. Feels kinda good to be high libido. Even without having sex.
It's not all frustration... a lot of it is power. That surging feeling.