I wish I could feel home in my body again.
I don't know how to describe it.
Alienated?
I pray and it helps, but I still get these waves of empty psychedelic feelings.
This sense of being alone, of being too aware, of wordless chaos.
I dislike it. I crave the stability of childhood. Of living within clear boundaries.
I miss the hope.
I pray that it will return.
God, I am so sorry that I abused psychedelics. I am so sorry that I idolised worldly men and their traditions (ayahuasca, mushrooms, yoga) rather than you. I am so sorry that I trusted psychedelics as the highest source of truth. I feel weakened, hurt, alone, and empty. Please help me reconnect with your Holy Spirit. Please help me follow Christ.
I am so sorry for turning away from your love. I don't deserve a second chance but I'm begging you, please please please give me another one. I am not worthy, please have mercy on me anyway.
I am lost without you Lord.
Please let me live a long life – please let me spend more time following you than I have turned against you. Please let me be your servant.