I, Gullyver

My thoughts have been on something that happened the other night. I was practicing isometric drawing on the iPad, and for some reason I just couldn't get a shape to look like what I was seeing in the YouTube video I was following along with. Even despite undoing and attempting it several times, I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I thought I was using the same grid measurements but things looked vastly different (to me).

I sometimes have this perfectionist trait to me where if I can't get something exactly the way I imagine it, I get pissed off and just don't want to do it anymore. I've seen it with games like Cities: Skylines where if I don't get the roads precisely how I want early in the game, I stop playing the game. And now again last night with the drawing.

I think to a large degree that it's prevented me from even attempting many new things in life because of this pre-emptive self-told narrative of how I'll fail, how I'll get really pissed off, and why even bother doing it in the first place?

I don't want to find yet another thing I suck at. I finally want to be good at something, you know?

I need to be better about reminding myself when this happens, that it's okay to not be an expert on the first, second or even third attempt at something. It's okay to fail, and learn from the experience. Nobody is expecting instant greatness. Well, nobody except myself.