x = 9
you want me to get drunker
another glass of wine, just one more
why? so i touch you? so i get more confident?
make me pull your hair? push you around?
kiss you?
...
your room, spotless, other than a picture of your friends
from back in örebro
right next to the little TY rat i got you for your birthday
you’re cleaning now.
are you trying to become better?
no longer a project boyfriend,
but a perfect one?
...
i blew smoke in your face,
you inhaled and hummed at me,
smiling.
verena said that
we should’ve shotgunned the smoke
lips to lips.
...
i always feel like i don’t deserve you,
but everyone says says you don’t deserve me.
we don’t deserve each other,
but i do know i yearn.
...
you let me paint your nails...
said it was nice to be taken care of
well,
it was nice to take care of you
smoothen out your
rough
edges
...
was that a joke
when you held up your finished nails
and said you were bisexual now?
....
you asked me if i liked your perfume
asked me first
and i held your wrist, gently,
up to my nose.
it was nice.
what was that? was that a move?
was it super effective?
i just hurt myself in confusion
what are we, felix?
...
you know what i want already.
but when i whispered—
“are you my birthday present?”
it may have been lost in translation
...
i just want you to touch me back
like that night
where you held me still on your lap
and poured me a glass
of your stolen wine.