headchecks

Yesterday, and the day before:
I didn't think of you at all.
But today, I punched a door,
and you appeared behind it.
You walked faster, I went slow
I stared at the ground
And wondered how you still make my heart
Pump so slightly faster
But this time, out of fear
Even though the worst you've ever said was “queer”
I knew you can still be so fucking violent.
That one day in Livermore,
someone called me faggot
You scolded them, then glanced at me—
I thought you were looking for approval,
but maybe, secretly, you agreed.