09/02/19

Depression has been heavy today, despite the happiness I should be feeling.

Dad came over and I made him some falafel, then we went on a drive and he bought me some goodies at the farm.

But the depression has been all-encompassing today. Whereas it usually felt like a heavy hooded cape, it truly feels like a burqa now, I can't escape it and it trips me up all day everyday throughout the day, despite the happiness I should be feeling, the blessings God gives me.

I looked it up, and this may be a thyroid condition. But how can I see a doctor when I'm leaving the city in two months and my insurance will soon run out anyway?

I should give myself six months to get better. Exercise more, eat better and whatnot.

My diary is so banal. I used to hope that I could be like one of the famous people whose autobiographies they sell, whose lives were so interesting, their thoughts so poignant. It's sad to realize that at 25, I'm not that special. I read that in another Write.as post the other day, but it explained the feeling in such an obvious way I should have been able to say it myself.

I have had such anxiety the past two or three days about finding a job. I want to be remote but J is pressuring me to work in-office, and I don't want to admit it but I know for my health that I need to get out of this house, at least for a year or two.

But my resume doesn't look good, and the jobs out there are leaving me feeling uninspired. They would reject me because I don't look good, they don't trust me. Plus, I have no connections. No one who is well-connected, anyway.

Anyway, I am thinking I should really start my Medium publications this week so that I have something to show employers. Oh, and my podcast, too.

I should create a timeline. Let me go write that down ont the whiteboard.

But for the career publication, I'm thinking of calling it “Non-linear” and the purpose is to focus on my journey to start a career, give career advice, interview other people who have non-linear paths to success, people who define success differently.

So what would I write about?

Weekly, updates on my career — what I'm doing to find a job, career advice,
testing out career advice, things I've noticed about other marketers, generally marketing advice, thoughts on general career trends like working remote

Following your passionate is terrible advice
What I did this week to further my career
This week in great marketing
All jobs should be remote
Why you should give remote benefits
Don't worry about internships, have a portfolio

What should my tagline be?
Nonlinear – Documenting and discussing nonlinear paths to fulfillment

What should I call the other one? Focus is on keeping me accountable, but also discussion of alternative lifestyles.

Will have to resume this later, J wants us to go workout now. What about Glacier, because they

LATER

Coming in on 10/02/2019 here.

More ideas for Medium publications:

Non-linear: Building a career on a crooked path
Glacier: Slow changes, massive impacts