11/02/2019
Yesterday, things weren't so bad. I ruined it at the end by picking a fight with Josh because he was making me feel angry. He wants to get rid of so many things when we move, not realizing that we will have to pay for them sooner or later once we do move. He's financially insensible and fails to realize that we aren't saving enough for anything. He also wants to spend $1000+/month on our next apartment, and won't travel to shop at Aldi's since there won't be any in the area that we are thinking of living in. He wants to live close to his job, which I understand, but he also wants to live near the lake, which is away from public transit. Again, it's an apartment that J wants. He thinks that I have bad jugement in picking apartments, when in fact I realize the merits of each one and am willing to work with the cons. It's upsetting me as a I realize that “our” relationship is dictated by J's whims for the sake of being “reasonable” and “logical”, with him always pointing out that I'm “not logical.”
He bosses me around just like my dad and expects me to be happy with it. Yet at the same time, he's pressuring me to be happy because when I'm not happy, he's not happy. Yep, because that's how depression works, you can just turn it off and on like a water faucet. He's so emotionally retarded sometimes.
I had bad dreams again last night. I've been having bad sleep and bad nightmares for the past week or so. I hope that it goes away soon. I don't know what could be causing it, since last week we had the good news of J's job offers and my diet has overall been pretty healthy.
I had great insight and patterns that I wanted to share last night, but of course I've forgotten them all over the night.
That's all I can think of for now, I want to create a blog post to talk about goals and what not.