003 | de/forming
i've always been “the soft one”
and i tried to shapeshift this softness
into whatever was needed
into whatever i assumed would be liked best
when you do that for a long time
for whatever reason
– for me it was survival -
you forget
who you truly are
you unlearn
what you really want
what you need
what would be fun to
have
or think
or say
or do
you just fill the molds
prepared by others
and if you don't fit, well
squeeze a bit harder
maybe cut a piece off yourself here and there
but there will be a time
a day, a moment, a year maybe
within which you realize
no
this isn't
who i am
you will see the scars
where you cut off parts of yourself
and you will see the bruises
from squeezing into spaces
that were never meant for you
that is the time where you have to decide
is it still worth it
do i still need to do this
or am i ready to leave it all behind
to step away from the molds
to let myself become something else
to see what shape i take when i'm not forced to fit in