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I um yeah. When I went out in public today, people were unusually uneasy, and in ways that I would expect only if I had already done something entirely offensive, of a grand scale to the person- in regard to their body language when they simply encountered me outside.

............ ..... .. .
yep.

um then i came home home after running my one errand, trying to free blobs of cigarette crap from 15 years ago that i've been working slowly for 2 months out of my rib cage now that i finally have experienced the injury enough to know what it really wants not what my fear based reaction is, and all of that exhausting shit- aside- including the seriously insulting and hurtful (if i was pretending someones actions towards me changed how i felt about myself,) – shit and weird looks people were dishing out today ! i had people totally switch sides of the footpath and go to the opposite end of the walk way like from the street side all the way into the grass and shit, not just the edge of the sidewalk... and give the googly dropping out zombie eye, the lip snarl- the whole goddamn thing. even the mask adjust. from ACROSS The Street on sight of another human being while IN a cross walk.

today was weird yo.

then i got home and fecesfawk told me chinas golden boy is winning the election.

---

and um
-
like my dear friend Teresa said,
—

Teresa Stansfield

Yesterday at 2:55 PM  ·

It's really hard watching all of these people I love so much get played like a damn fiddle. 😭

yep.

fawk

damnit.

i mean i cant even post this on facebuch people will spazzatoid, so it is here on my blog where they are too busy to see it, and i dont have to waste valuable vellum paper that i treasure dearly and reserve for fountain pen time, meditation time, and dream journaling.

vellum is perhaps the most luxurious paper you can purchase, aside from actual parchment. but it's not really even that different, the result is the same. its parchment made in a fast process with high pressure, and some degree of paper whitening. either acid base redox or something more caustic and a soak, rinse, and wash.

paper production is actually a seriously badass process and if you dont know anything about it- it is something i was turned onto when i was in kindergarten by some video we saw in class- it blew my goddamn mind at the time. sparked a thing.

in kindergarten, i was taking spanish, reading novels and books published between 1910 and 1984, and literally probably being one of the last generations of kids to actually have a normal fucking life. they had not turned the internet on , for everyone- and the rest of the comms grid, just yet.

;-P

oh but vellum is um okay so heres the thing — if you are a fountain pen user, they are entirely 100 percent different than a ball point pen ink, which relies on friction to come out. contact with your paper. so actually cheap paper, which contains a lot of fiber, is ideal for ballpoint pen.

the opposite</ is true for a fountain pen.

the entire experience and the control of the stroke relies on a perfectly bone smooth surface, and the users sensation in the hand, and real time micro-adjustments of all the motor bits and pieces in the writers hand- to modulate the final result of what the writing and or the particular stroke looks like.

it is, in short – a fucking art form.

so, vellum paper while a binder of 120 or so sheets will cost you a solid 6-12 dollars, or if you are insane, you can get more expensive ones too. i dont, because i just want to use my pen correctly without causing it damage.

you see, those fibers in the cheap paper get STUCK in fountain pen tips. messing them up. have you ever tried writing with a feather?

the rolling ball pen was invented because someone discovered that if you take something (i forget the substance in the ink right now and the kind of metal the ball is made out of)

but there is a weak ionic chemistry there- and it keeps some of the ink attached to the rolling ball.

the way the pen works, is as you push down and drag it across your paper, the thing is rolling the ball- by pressing it against the concave surfaces of the enclosure that holds it within 50% but much less than 50% of the distance from paper surface to rivet(flange,-really) that is holding it, okay so its really just a taper. they manufacture the pen tip, press fit the part you hold while writing, then drop the metal ball point inside, then attach the ink tube, then insert the ink (or before), then insert the end cap (or before), then the pen goes down the line.....

the fountain pen, uses gravity, and a tube of ink inside a hollow chamber like a little reserve, and a metal tip which has a hole on the front top, and on the back has horizontal gills. as you press down, the metal tip is abutted against the gills piece squarely in a mount or fitting, and the space flexes slightly at the tip of the pen, which for the last percentage of it, has a narrow almost invisible (except by the glint of light and ink dried onto it,) and this controls the flow of the pen.

as you press and move, gravity takes air bubbles and captures them from the space while you press and move to the next letters, and then the ink fills the space automatically by gravity- and enters the tip of your pen eventually. it is a really beautiful thing, and i have been writing like this since 1996 when i got my first one of my own, and i was mystified by my fathers and my grandfathers fountain pens before i managed to enter jr high school and secure my own during school shopping that year.

anyway.

ttyl.

• as observed from the new epoch