I finally broke my first barrier by playing Apex
I've been fearful of this game for so long due to my rejection sensitivity and fear of uncertainty.
But then after many mindfulness attempts at this issue, I finally decided:
“fuck it and fuck ya'll. I don't and shouldn't care if I lose countless times. i shouldn't even try to win the monstrous match. things will always be beyond my control, and winning isn't eternal.”
So I hoped in as Lifeline, the same way I jumped in the game many years ago before I gave up. I let failure take me once more, except this time with a bit more tranquility than usual.
I tried to remain calm and care-free even though my body is telling me otherwise.
I have to say, this may be a small thing, but it could might as well be a major achievement like my other life achievements.