Zuihutsu

My sombering realization is that I cannot do anything major by myself, nor can I act upon my intentions or goals with willpower alone. The teachings of Buddhism has led me to this truth. It has been very painful thinking about it...

I may never get (exactly) what I want in my lifetime. Things never turn out what I hope for, no matter how much effort or affirmation.

If I'm not participating nor contributing to society, then whats the point seeing or hearing outside activity? No point in indulging in fantasies that would never come true.

So then what purpose do I really have in life?
One thing for sure is that I don't want to suffer from discontent anymore, and I don't want to relive that suffering in the next life.

If only I have some peace and unconditional kindness right now...

Namu Amida Butsu