The Refined Sugar Daddy

If a woman has made it to the Setup Date stage in the process (see guide), I’ve already spent a significant amount of time vetting her. I’ve invested time doing a few rounds of messaging in an app which could take anywhere from 2 days to several weeks depending upon her response time. I’ve also left the app and gotten her phone number and we have texted anywhere from 2 days to a week or so. I’ve then setup and conducted the all important video call. It’s after this call that I decide whether or not I’m truly interested in meeting this woman.

I recently had an experience with a candidate, let’s call her Daria, in which all of the aforementioned steps were complete. Our first video call was short but pretty good. She was obviously attracted to me, complimenting me several times. She was a Scorpio and possessed that mysterious dark energy that I find attractive because it’s so much unlike my own. These women can be tricky, I know, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. She showed a healthy bit of curiosity as well in the conversation as she dominated most of it by asking me many questions. She was very calculated and intentional in her approach.

So I setup a date and location to rendezvous. I booked a flight and grabbed a room at a resort. I typically only stay overnight for the first meet if I travel. I’m there to meet, determine attraction, see if there’s any real chemistry, and get back home. The first meet is a trial in my mind. There is absolutely zero obligation for either party to do anything on this first date. There’s no obligation for me to perform any acts of generosity just as there’s zero obligation for the woman to be intimate. That’s my mindset going into every first date.

It was in the second video call that Daria begins to talk about terms, her needs, and expressed the strong desire to have this secured before we meet. I was extremely turned off by this approach as I think it best to only have this conversation after I have met you in person. Here are a few of my reasons for taking this stance.

A Video Call is Not the Same as In-Person

For me, the establishment of a relationship between myself and a woman is not complete until we meet in person. Meeting online doesn’t give you the full experience of truly meeting someone. It’s very difficult to pickup on someone’s energy, their body language, how they smell, how small/big or attractive they truly are, in the digital world. In order for the interaction to feel “real” to me, we have to escape out of the digital world.

I do not recommend that men allow their fantasies and their minds to make up things about the person before meeting them. Your mind can go on a date, see yourself taking trips, holding hands, having sex, and maybe even growing old together and getting married. Your mind will have you creating an entirely different person who is not the person that you had the video call with and planning to meet.

Therefore, you don’t have enough information about the woman and her behavior to make a clear decision about what her value is to you. It’s like trying to buy a piece of property off of a real estate website site unseen. There’s a considerable amount of risk involved. A risk, I’d prefer not to take.

She Could Be Less Attractive Than You Thought

A woman’s beauty has value. That’s what she should bring to the relationship. Every man will value a woman’s beauty differently. It’s not until you’re standing in front of her that you can truly gauge her beauty.

If you’ve followed my advice up until this point, you can be relatively sure that she is attractive. However, there could be things about her body language, her walk, her behavior, the way she treats others, maybe she’s more overweight than she appeared online, maybe she doesn’t smell that good. Whatever it is, it’s unwise to pre-negotiate when you can’t value her beauty based upon your standards.

It’s a Red Flag

I do best with women that are “net givers” as opposed to “net takers”. Some women think mostly about themselves and their needs first and don’t realize that you have to give to get in this world. They struggle to realize that, that is the bedrock of any relationship, friendship, work relationship, or business relationship. It’s all an exchange of value.

Daria, gave me a laundry list of the things that she wanted to do based upon potential acts of generosity. By attempting to secure a commitment before our first meet, she showed me that she’s a “net taker”. She needs to get something before she gives any of her time. It’s a premature move with devastating consequences to attraction for me. She hasn’t showcased her value yet nor has she had the opportunity to properly assess mine.

This sort of behavior is a sign of a more dominant personality and will definitely influence the power dynamic in the relationship. For more submissive men, this is not a problem. But for me, a dominant man, only a submissive or moderate woman will do. I could foresee problems in the bedroom, problems cooperating, and problems in communication in our future. By giving in to her request at this point, I’d be signaling to her that I’d be willing to give something while receiving nothing in return. That’s just not how I move and is a recipe for disaster down the road.

It’s Like Trying to Pre-Negotiate Intimacy

I liken this sort of behavior to me trying to pre-negotiate intimacy with Daria before actually meeting her. Let’s be honest, the highest value that a woman can exchange is her body via intimacy. For a man, it’s his resources via acts of generosity. If I were to begin discussing all of the different ways I’d like to receive pleasure from her while on a video call, and expect her to commit to those, she’d definitely be put-off by that.

This is how I viewed Daria’s behavior. If we turn it around and view it from this angle, it’s clear to see how premature her actions were.

The Proper Mindset for the First Date

The first date is crucial for both parties to determine if there is mutual attraction. For me, that’s important. I don’t treat women like escorts. I don’t have sex with everyone and I certainly don’t have sex with women that I don’t genuinely like. These are my standards (yours could be different). It’s here that I can see how you treat me, if you’re attracted, what your “in the moment” interest level is (I say “in the moment” because this can wax and wain for women), are you receptive to my touch, and a slew of other things.

I recommend that men pay very close attention on the first date. We are trying to assess the woman’s value here. Do not let sexual desire cloud your judgment. For me, if a woman is really feeling me, and I’m doing everything that I usually do to increase sexual desire (because that’s the point of a date), and she decides (she’s never obligated) to be intimate with me on the date, she is of much higher value to me than the woman that doesn’t. Therefore, I will act generously in her favor without her asking based upon the value that I place on her.

If however, we are not intimate on the first date (this is perfectly fine with me too because I had zero expectations to begin with), but the date went very well, this opens the door for us to discuss terms before the next date (provided there is one).

I think it goes without saying that if the date doesn’t go well, both parties go there separate ways and you are under no obligation to do anything more (except pay for dinner, activities, drinks, or whatever else because you invited her out). It was a trial run, you assess her value and deemed it to be low. Therefore, there will be no future exchange. I’d like to add here that if you’ve followed my advice and recommendations, the likelihood that you will have a bad date is very, very small but it can it does happen from time-to-time.

Just Walk Away

I decided after the second video call to shoot Daria a text. I explained to her that I completely understood her perspective. I stated that I thought it too soon to have this discussion and that I would have preferred to have it after we actually met in-person. I informed her that I would be canceling my trip to meet her because I didn’t think we were a good fit. I wished her luck in finding the right person for her.

In situations like these, you must have the discipline to just respectfully walk away. We are men, and we must take decisive action, stand on our principles no matter what, and not let sexual desire get in the way of our decision making. It’s not easy, but do not negotiate or even have a discussion about terms until you meet in person and when you do, be honest and clear so as to properly set expectations going forward.