Falling into Shadow
For the past several weeks I have been carrying a burden of sortsoneI'm not willing to share just yetbut one that is neverthelesshaving an effect on the words and pictures I post to the socialinternet.
I find it interesting how events in thereal-world effect the content we share with the online community. Some people use the web as an anonymous friendunloading their car-crash story in public as a rampaging brain dump over days, weeks, and months. Some people bury their troubles deepyou mightcall them the “wall builders”. I know them well-I'm one of them.
Under normal circumstances I might wander along a street and notice all manner of photo opportunitiesinteresting sign-writing, the sparkle of the afternoon sun on the chrome of a classic car in the high-street, or the distant silhouettes of strangers walking in the park. Under more difficult circumstances the gaze becomes vacantthe mind filled with questions that have no answers, and feet functioning onauto-pilotdelivering their owner to each destination the day requires.
Under normal circumstances I might notice somebody in the streeta child with a balloon, a mother carrying shopping bags, an old couple sipping teaand I will try to remember to write about them. Under more difficult circumstances I stand in queues, consumed with the task at handof avoiding interaction if possible, and escaping from the public gaze.
So yes I'm not doing great at the moment. I'm putting one foot in front of the other, and not telling anybody what's really going on. No doubt I will at some point, but for nowone foot in front of the other is probably an achievement in itself.