On Friendship
Through many times in my life I have struggled to find the place where being a good person ends, and friendship beginsand where friendship ends and love begins.
Those who know me a little may well see by turns an idealist, a clown, flashes of intelligence, or even idiocy at times. Those closest to me perhaps know another personthe person who lifts when others are downwho includes when others are excludedwho tries to fix when others are broken.
You might call it the pursuit of happiness in others. During our adoption interviews years ago it came up in terms of the sources of my energyof my strength. I could only but shrug my shoulders and surmise that I draw strength from the knowledge that others are happy. In and of myself, I require very little from others. I wouldn't call it selflessness though.
There appear to be many different kinds of people in this world, and where many people take in order to give, I seem to be a springa well or sorts. It's interesting in many wayswhile not subscribing to eastern philosophies as such I have drawn many parallels with those who can healthe idea that energy can be given and taken between living creatures is appealing. I read the Celestine Prophecy many years ago, and while the book is on the whole dreadful, the central ideas of life force, energy, and the complex transactions that take place in the world around us seemed very clear.
On cold days my hands are warm. On winter nights I am told my body becomes almost too hot to touch. While joking with my other half about the thermostat on my body's central heating system, I am reminded of healing, and my relationships with close friends.
It's a dangerous game though”fixing people”. The spirit you share with those who are down is not infinite. Quite often it will be paid back for no more complex a reason than “you listened”or “you noticed”. Sometimes the transaction is not balanced though.
Anybody with children knows that you pour into them your hopes, your dreams, your energy, your lifeand after giving everything you have, you face a day when they fly the nestwhen they stand as your equal and find their own way without need of your assistance.
The same is true of close friends that you have perhaps helped through hard timesyou prop up, listen, share thoughts, carry confidences, and thenwhen you have raised them back onto their feet, you have to face the time when they can once more face the world and you may never be quite as close as you once were.
It's a difficult thingfriendshipif you give too much, you may not receive equally in return. If you don't give enough, the friendship may not happen at allwhich raises an entirely different question; why do we need friends? Is it a part of the human condition? Some people seem to need those close to them far more than othersand I suspect I may fall into that bracket.
One thing I do know is that despite the sense of loss you might experience when somebody turns to finally face the world once more, you can take heart from the knowledge that you had a part to play in their reconstruction. There is a tremendous sense of pridethe pride of being a friendof having been there at their lowest ebb. A pride in having shared their problems and lightened their load.
There is a wonderful satisfaction to be had from being a friendand being called “a friend”.