write.as/jonbeckett

While recognising that it has become increasingly rare for me to write about the children, I thought it might be timely to recount some of the observations I made a few months after they came into our lives. If I were to write this list again today, it wouldn't be so different;

The kettle will always be empty when you go to make a coffee
There will never be any milk left for you when you want to make a hot drink
There will never be matching socks in the drawer
Work clothes will never be washed or ironed in advance
No flat surface will remain free of junk
The fridge and freezer will become festooned with magnetic letters and numbers
Every simple task will end up becoming complicated – e.g. draining pasta over the sink will require emptying the sink of washing up – which will require emptying the dishwasher in order to swap contents – which will invariably not have been switched on anyway.
Several rooms will have cork boards attached to the walls.
Every cork board in the house will have discount vouchers for various supermarkets or day-out venues pinned across it's entire surface area – several layers deep in places.
Every important piece of paperwork that arrives in the post will become lost if not dealt with immediately
Trying to use an “in-tray” is hilariously ridiculous. Within 1 day it will be 1 foot deep.
No amount of washing and/or ironing will make any difference what so ever to the amount of washing left to do
Walking barefoot around the house is liable to cause injury
Any deviation from foods eaten before by little people is a waste of time – the food will end up in the bin no matter how great it looks, smells, or tastes – this effect is also inversely proportional to the amount of time it took to make.
6am is a great time to be up and making lots of noise
Telling little people to be quiet works until you have walked back across the landing.
No answer of “Yeah” or “No” means anything (example – “Did you do that?” “Yeah” “Did you walk on the moon too?” “Yeah”)
Apparently curling up on the floor with your face in your hands, bum in the air, is an appropriate answer to anything you don't want to do (such as go to school without your scooter, not have a chocolate bar, take wellies off before walking through the house, etc, etc).
Free time is an abstract concept that you hear other people talking about. You vaguely remember what it was, but you're not entirely sure.
Getting up before 7am will not seem that early any more.

By far the most expected or unexpected observation (depending on your perspective) is one that we realised very early on;

When the children are playing in a park, you will recognise their individual cry on the first cry, no matter the distance. You will know if it is fake or real. You will know where it is coming from. You will have no idea how.