write.as/jonbeckett

After watching the boxing match between Connor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather at 5am this morning, I looked at the clock, and decided to go back to bed for a couple of hours. A little before 7am. A couple of hours more sleep would probably be a good idea.

What I didn’t count on was quite the most bizarre dream I’ve had in a very long time.

The first part seemed to revolve around a television game show I was in, where I was standing next to a fellow contestant – an elderly woman who was both incredibly posh, and incredibly nosey. As the television show went around the introductions bit, I found myself talking about my three daughters – and the old lady took over questioning from the compare – asking me what schools they went to, and so on. I have no memory of the presenter what-so-ever.

Fast forward into the actual game, and we are standing around a mighty tree, whose leaves seem to be made of foam cubes – much like minecraft blocks. I am in a team with a guy I vaguely know on the internet, and we are pelting balls at the foam cubes – which vanish if we hit them hard enough. For some reason we are standing one behind the other while throwing – I have no memory of why though. As the game ends, the announcer calls the scores – although I don’t remember an exact number, we scored a LOT, and the elderly woman’s team (which may have included a younger lady friend of hers) scored two. Just two. She immediately began reeling off excuses – one of them being that she was more of “a sharpshooter” – she was having to throw too high. I can’t figure that out either.

After the game show, I found myself getting onto the Hogwarts Express – I can only imagine that we had won places onto the train, but for some reason it was being used to ferry the winners to the wedding of somebody else I know on the internet – a girl that used to live in Hawaii I’ve known for years. As the train set off, I started wondering where the toilets were, but decided I didn’t need to go that badly, and could wait until we got to the wedding venue. I stood on the boiler plate of the train (strange, I know), watching the scenery go by. We were on the coast somewhere.

After arriving, my other half approached me, half holding up the bride to be, who had obviously been drinking. Between them they had a colossal number of beer bottles in their arms, and I struggled to take them and put them into a bag before starting to walk towards the wedding venue.

Along the way I got talking to somebody about how I knew the couple getting married, and somehow I knew the entire story of how they had met – she had gone for a holiday on her own in a foreign country, and had met him entirely by chance – fast forward a couple of years down the line, and they were getting married. He had a beard – that’s all I know about him – but he seemed familiar.

As we continued walking towards the venue, somebody else joined my side, and I pointed out a beach and a slipway we were approaching – and joked that the beach was where they would be sleeping.

And then – quite bizarrely – I woke up.

I don’t even know where to start. I never analyse dreams, let alone remember them – this one seemed weird enough that I really should write it down straight away. Do you have weird dreams? Can you top this one?