I felt like I was smacked in the face a moment of, where the fuck did this year ago... I sat outside with a cup of tea in one hand and a cigarette in the other, chatting away to my sister as we do our pop outside for a quick smoke and chat routine. My sister was excited as she had been invited to a Boxing day get together with her friends. I'd carried on with the chit chat and had asked her who the invite was from and all that Jazz, and she mentioned the host's name, and it clicked in my mind, “I swear you were telling me you had told me you guys had fallen out over some rubbish”. Sister responded, “Ye, that was a year ago in fact, it was exactly a year ago we fell out but we are alright now”. I paused as a moment of disbelief shot over me. “Hold on a minute, that was a year ago? It feels like you told me that two minutes ago”. “Oh shit, you also mean that it's been a year since I handed in my notice at that shitty pub I worked at”. Holy shit balls.... How has this year gone so fast?? What have I done with myself? I'm unemployed again and have only just started my business that still doesn't make me wanna get out of bed. What the actual fuck... it really goes that quick, and I can honestly say I didn't live this year. I spent most of it curled up in a ball of fear, watching everybody on the phone do what I wish I could do. It felt like god/universe/mother source had slapped me over the face with a HAHA moment. Do I really want to live another year inside my mother's house wishing I had a better life, or am I actually going to make it happen? I can't bear the thought of staying like this. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to see... I want to finally become the version of me that stops giving a fuck about what people think, finally the version who doesn't try to squeeze and fit herself into boxes that can't hold her, I want to travel, I want to take my daughter across the world and most of all I want to show her what's fucking possible because this life IS NOT MY LIFE! I've been living for everybody else, constantly trying to get people to like me erghhhh so boring and cringe. I can't bear the thought of my daughter growing up and thinking this is as good as it gets. Fuck that, so here's to me breaking free and living this year to come like it's my fucking last. I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm sure it's much easier than this pain of staying the same. Let's just put this in perspective... just think back to when you were a kid playing around or doing whatever you did, and then just think to now... where the fuck did that go? I used to be a kid wishing my life away as quickly as possible to become an adult, and now I'm an adult wishing I had more time. THE TIME IS NOW. We can't keep waiting for the perfect moment or the ideal person to come and rescue us. WE HAVE TO START NOW. I mean, go for your fucking dreams, make them as big as possible, and please stop waiting, and for god's sake, don't do another year thinking about it. Your higher self is cheering you on, and so is that little girl waiting on you to see what's possible.