another evening alone. i try and find someone to talk to but i also dont want to bother anyone. i feel like i am intruding. or when we are talking they wonder away never to come back.
i have been calling an old friend from high school. its been good to chat with them again. we have been chatting almost every night with me doing the calling.
i have pulled out an old and very large project to work on. i had started a quilt some years ago. its not something i can take along with me. i am spending time working on it while watching tv. i think brent would have liked it. i never showed him as i would have been tempted to take it out and work on it. there is stuff everywhere now. thread and fabric and the box i store it in. he would not have been happy with that. so i left it in the box. so now that i am alone again i work on it. the quilt top is covered in pencil marks so i know where to put the pieces. i can only hope it washes out. i put a few pieces on every day. i look at it and think this will never get done, but it does not matter. only person who will see it is me.
i picked up brents watch from the jeweler last week. i has some of his ashes put into it. as weird as it sounds its comforting to have him in my pocket. i talk to him sometimes. not out loud of course. but its still nice to know he is with me. i miss him more every day. my days feel so empty.
i am having a hard time sleeping. i wake up and then toss and turn sometimes i doze off , most times i dont. so i get up and come down and sit in my chair and watch tv and surf facebook. i never thought i would be this lonely in my life again. it was bad enough when i lived with my ex. now alone here in this house its worse.