i am home now. i had a cup of tea a tuna on a bun and an apple. that will probably be it for the day. i might have a snack later depending how i feel.
i am tired and so glad i can put my feet up.
brent has been gone 3 months now. seems like yesterday i was with him at his bedside holding his hand. but its spring now and the snow is gone. some flowers are blooming and all i want to do is hide forever.
i am doing my best but i am finding it hard to keep up with the work. brent was such a good help around here.
i had some of his ashes put into is pocket watch. i really like being able to at least have a little bit of him with me. i talk to him and wonder how he feels about how my life is now.
a year ago i never thought i would be alone again. its like when you go into a job interview and they ask you where do you see yourself in 5 years. and all i want to say is i dont know where i will be 5 days from now never mind 5 yrs. i never thought i would be alone for my birthday. brent would have been 65 this year. i was so excited for him. he could slow down a bit and enjoy life. it will never happen now. i am sad for that.
tomorrow i start 6 days again. its going to be another long week. i have my uniforms ready , socks are washed and dry now.
i traded for a card today. first one since brent died. i am not sure how i feel about it. i have to get the card in the mail soon or i never will. i want to make some new ones but my mind is still blank. i sit in front of the blank cards and i see nothing.
just took the garbage out. something brent would do, i can do it but sometimes the cans are heavy with the cat litter.
i was looking at the yellow daffodils in the garden and they look like they are glowing in the night. it spitting rain and the flowers look like they have small gems on them. they where very pretty to look at.
friday
i did the banking yesterday. went to the grocery store , got some cat food and veg. i need to start going through the freezer and giving away what i dont want. i bought the meat mostly for brent and well i dont think i will eat that much meat.
i am almost ready for work. lunch is made and just have to make sure everyone else is fed and watered before i go. it is cold and snowing today, cloudy and very dreary. its on days like this i miss brent the most. we would spend the day inside doing things together. nothing exciting just everyday stuff. but we were together and i miss simple days like that. i miss making him coffee in the mornings. i have 2 huge tins of coffee i dont know what to do with and of course all the meat in the freezer.
i better go and finish getting ready for work. its going to be a long day and i am really missing brent today. he would have loved seeing the flowers.