i am still trying to write most days, but my brain is so foggy i find it hard to sort out what i want to say. the grief is very over whelming some days.
i am still working on my quilt, the big one. i try and put at least 2 pieces on a day. i think of it as a piece for every day brent and i had together. i just never knew it was going to be such a small number of days but we had love and joy and we built a home. i am still trying to come to terms with living alone again but its hard some days when you come home to an empty house.
i did it. i went and bought some booze. i had a huge drink and it helped me relax and forget somewhat. i bought some peach schapps. i put some in a glass added juice and drank most of it in about 5 min. i just needed something to help me forget for just a little while that i am alone. so alone. i just wanted someone to talk to. someone to laugh with. like brent and i used to. i miss him so much.
i am trying to write everyday. i think of things to write about when i am at work. when i come to sit here in front of my laptop my brain is blank and i feel like i have nothing to say anymore. what ever i say seems to mean nothing to no one.
i have not had a drink since that first one. i dont want to. seems the one was enough for now.
there has been no luck on the dating site. i message a few guys and get no replies. the ones that do message me are not worth talking to. so i am quietly alone again. i am not sure how brent would feel about me being back on the dating site. but i did meet him on a dating site so i guess he could not say too much.