dec 17
as i lay in bed last night i think i am sick too, i will need care , but who will be there for me no one. i am once again alone. my fibro will get worse, i will need to get a walker or wheelchair, i will need help to shower or to dress or both. but i will be alone dealing with all of this. will i need to sell the house soon? i will need to get rid of stuff. i have been donating alot of things. but it will need to be more. as i will be moving my things , alone. my kids still are not talking to me. they have not blocked me on facebook but still no response on messages.
its my day off and i am wondering what my life will look like a year from now. how can i keep working when i can barely think straight most days.
next day. dec 18
well i found out that brent has basicly givin up. he said he would refuse treatment. so what ever happens in the next few months will be my life for now. he does not want a notice in the paper, funeral, or burial, i am to cremate him and do whatever i want with the ashes. i still think i should call his mother. i probly will. there is no one else really to call. his family does not call us. as my family does not call me or email me.
i am working tonight so will try and finish this post as i dont think i will have the energy to do it later. pain level is high this morning so i will be tired very fast. the requirements of looking after brent will take a toll on me. i know this . i know i will need help if i cant take the time off i will need to look after him.
i still have some chores i need to get done this morning before i go to work. so i have a busy day ahead of me. i have to remember to bring some pain meds with me today. i still dont know where i can eat my lunch at work. no one has offered any ideas on this. i am not even granted the dignity of eating lunch and not feeling guilty about it because i need to remove my mask.
i traded some of my cards yesterday as i was home to scroll through the feeds. so will work on getting those out soon. it will be the last of the old xmas cards i found in my office going out. i found some sparkle crochet cotton so made some sparkle stars to put in the cards too. i will also work on some remakes this weekend too. will need to clear some space on the table for things to dry. i will need to cut some new blanks as well. it has amazed me how many i have made and mailed out. i have been looking for another one of my alphabets to resize at the copier. the letters are bigger and need to be smaller to fit onto the cards. i have also been looking for a new ornament i can crochet for next year. something small and uncomplicated that i can work on at work inbetween clients. sometimes i have 2 hours to kill. so i like to make it productive. i have made alot of the crochet stars , they are only about 1.5 inches big. i wonder what i can do with them now. i have been looking at ideas for a snowman or angel. nothing really catches my eye right now. maybe a different star. i still need to finish the postcard to the UK as well. i want to use some lined paper for the back but dont want it to look cheap. this art work has helped to keep my mind off whats going on with brent.
well my pain meds are starting to kick in so its time to get moving on chores. will post this and see you all soon.....