For someone who hates Facebook, I sure talk about it a lot. But I think this would be over as soon as my accounts (yes, I have multiple) are permanently deleted from their servers.
Today I learned that if you request for your account to be deleted, Facebook gives you thirty days to undo the deletion and you can have your account back. Fuck that. Granted, I did feel strangely queasy while debating whether to delete or deactivate, which of course prompted me to wonder where this sensation was coming from and why it was even there to begin with.
I was scared of never being able to look back and reread posts my husband wrote on our anniversaries, of losing the chance to drown myself in nostalgia as I browse photos of trips I took with friends with whom I no longer have a relationship.
Then I thought, is that it? Is that what’s causing this weird knot in my stomach? The thought that I might someday want to reminisce and realize I wouldn’t have anything to look at because I deleted my Facebook? Why am I so fixated on the past anyway?
So I hit the delete button.
I am now in the process of transferring the photos and videos from my older Facebook account to Google Photos, and then I can delete this one too.
Facebook has lost its essence. I’ve been harboring negative feelings towards people I like on the regular and this has been gnawing at my conscience for a while. I don’t know how some people do it—not using social media so much. I’ve always enjoyed sharing details of my life to friends and family, but I don’t think social media does just that anymore. It takes more than it gives.
Since deciding to limit my social media activity after my worst meltdown in a while, my mood tracking app has seen an increase in big yellow smiley faces, and I feel lighter. Deciding to start this blog also helped, despite not having written much at present. I’ve also been reading more, which is always a pleasant thing. All in all, I just feel a lot more… present. Over the last few weeks, as I contemplated leaving Facebook and Instagram, I’ve been feeling like I’ve uploaded a huge chunk of my existence, and I did not want to live like that anymore.
So I left.