Kundu Thinks

I have started so many blogs and none of which have continued but I still keep coming back to it. Why is that? Here I am again. When I read something beautiful and well written I always question whether I can write something so good. Did their writing not arrive after much toil which I have not done for writing much. A part of the issue is that I have thoughts of writing and topics brewing in my head but when it comes to writing them down I just freeze and blank out. Instead of writing I have spent much time looking at domain names and themes for a possible blog and then write a set of titles and never write the actual text for those titles.

I read a lot and I like that, but is it possible that due to so much reading I don't have any free bored moment to think my thoughts and not produce something instead of just consuming. That could be but I think I am just lazy. I think of writing but when it comes to writing I don't do it. Writers block and the best way of overcome that is to actually write. Mindless words without editing which is what I am doing right now, I suppose.

Another thought which comes to me when I think of writing is that do I have something original to say which is worth writing? Or am I rehashing the thoughts which have been said before and I have read before. That is most certainly true, there are very few original thoughts or ideas and especially not the big ones. Who am I, why I am here and what is the meaning of all this. Philosophers and mystics have asked this question and answered them in their own ways in so many books and traditions. The answer is however personal and experienced. Otherwise it is just knowledge. My experience of the big questions most certainly has been said by someone before and I am not just aware of it but does that make it any less. That I should be the first to write about it is kind of ego inflation. Writing to be the better one among others. I should write for the joy of it. But why do I want to write? Do I find the joy in it? I like reading good thoughts and beautiful essays but why do I keep coming back to writing?

There is perhaps some inner experience which seeks expression. Words are for posterity or are they for my own clarity? I am not sure why I want to write but I keep coming back to the idea of writing? Even though I know that no one perhaps reads these words ever so then these words must be for my own clarity. Can I become as good as some reading I do? Do I have something worth writing for? Well my experience of my own life and circumstances are my own unique so writing about them is certainly new. A very specific and very precise form of new. Why would anyone be interested in that? I am not yet famous. Does it matter than if anyone else is interested in it? Should I write for it's own sake. Writing without expectation of result of that writing. Is that not then the right karma yoga for writing?

Still writing every day or atleast regularly requires topics. What should I write about. Perhaps what I learned in that day? Should each day be about learning? Well isn't all experience teaching us something? If we are open to it and believe that there are no surprises in nature then evey moment has been the moement in making which is here to tell us something, if we only reflect and let it show us the message. Maybe that I can do for sometime and then see if I get these ideas which are always on my head when sitting and walking but disappear when I form a decision to write.

First it's a habit, then it is result then it is bliss.