A diary about the other side of moving abroad

It was like a redemption for me to understand that I could leave. I was able to grant my wish to escape this rotting cocoon myself. I could free myself from the cocoon by letting it go. When I understood this, I felt relieved. For the first time I was able to make my own decisions again, I felt empowered. With this realization, relaxation set in. With every shallow breath, I could now feel some energy draining from my body. With every breath I took, I was moving a little further away from this world. I breathed in and thought of my childhood. How I had played with my toy cars. I was particularly fond of fire trucks. I breathed out and thought of my school days, which were turbulent. I thought of long-forgotten schoolmates, of a fight in the school yard. I breathed in and saw a woman in front of me who I had never approached. It were those little moments that always brought back a 'what if? I exhaled and the face disappeared. I breathed in and felt the breeze of life. I breathed out and felt how the escaping air took my vital energy away with it. I breathed in and thought of my wife. She smiled warmly at me. In her loving glance, I recognized that she was allowing me to leave. Hidden in her eyes were all our secrets, everything we had been through and all our love that had been somewhat weathered over the years. But the deep bond between us was one of the last things I took away from her eyes. I breathed out and no longer felt the ballast of my body. I was just a light soul ready to soar. I breathed in and felt the light and warmth heartily welcoming me. I exhaled and let go of my body, the cocoon that had held me in this world. Like when I boarded the plane and held my wife's hand, my fingers taut and only touching her hand with my fingertips, until the last second. And then I was gone.