Does “special” mean “entitled”?
Parents these days have a hard time. They want their kids to know they’re special and can do anything, but also don’t want them to be entitled and selfish. And with the internet and social media, there’s more information available than ever before about the kinds of issues parenting can cause to kids, from attachment problems to all types of weird perceptions of reality (just look at psychologist Mary Trump’s book on her uncle Donald). I am sure it intimidates even the most loving, well-meaning parents.
But this post isn’t going to go into all that. I just want to share that I had a very interesting conversation with my colleague, who made me aware of the dilemma. He wants to ensure his kids are humble and understand that they’re not special in the grand scheme of things – but also, that they are special and can achieve great things in life. While also knowing that this doesn’t give them the right to act entitled. Not to mention that this paradox is too complicated for most young minds. What’s a parent to do?
I decided to share with him a concept I’ve been mulling over in my own life. As humans, we’re not isolated beings – we are irrevocably affected by others. We exist in a massive, complex network connecting all 7.5+ billion people in the world (as well as animals and other living beings). Energy is constantly flowing between us, and can be simplified as ‘giving’ and ‘taking’.
So in that context, what makes you special is what you can give to the world. Being special does not entitle you to take. As a non-parent, I can’t say how well this would work in parenting. But it did give my colleague pause – to him, this solved the dilemma. Perhaps this concept can solve other dilemmas too?