Love and Loss
I showed the John Burke Youtube Podcast “Imagine Heaven” at church tonight. It was the one dealing with love. I don’t know if it had the impact on those who watched it as it did on me, but it got me through some grieving when Mom passed away.
See, grief is a funny thing. You don’t know how it’s going to hit… until it hits. I guess it’s kind of like the Peace that passes all comprehension—you can’t understand it because it’s beyond understanding. You can only know it through experiencing it.
I think the same can be true with grief, love, joy, etc. There are various levels of each emotion. Mom used to tell me during the year leading up to her death, “Now you know that I’m not going to live forever, don’t you?”
“Yes, Mom… I know you’re going to die.”
“I just want you to be prepared.”
But nothing can compare you for some deaths. Absolutely nothing.
Why did Mom’s death hit me so hard?
Well, the passing of our mothers is always brutal. There’s that.
But in addition to being my Mom, she was a co-parent to my kids. We tag teamed parenting. When I was working 50-60 hrs per week in retail management, she was watching my kids. She wouldn’t have had it any other way. When I got a babysitter, Mom blasted me until I relented.
She wanted to watch my three boys.
So, Mom transformed from a simple mother into a co-parent with me, and from there into a friend. As she aged, she became dependent upon me. I became her caregiver. I watched friends drop off the face of the Earth, especially when dementia stepped in. They just didn’t like her asking the same question over and over.
At this stage Mom became my little girl. I would tuck her in at night, kiss her cheek, and we’d pray the Lord’s Prayer religiously. Sometimes we’d pray the Goodnight Prayer: “Now I lay me down to sleep… I pray the Lord my soul to keep.”
When she died April 8th, 2025, I felt like I lost and grieved three different people: my Mom; my friend and co-parent; and my little girl. And when she passed, I wouldn’t be able to breathe at night. I would wake up gasping. I would feel a tightness in my chest.
The doctor said my lungs and heart sounded normal. So, I guess I was having an anxiety attack. But I wasn’t panicking like I’d heard most people described.
But it is what it is. There are various levels of loss, as various levels of love.
What I especially enjoyed tonight while watching the YouTube podcast was the idea of love having many different levels. But the highest level, the greatest level of love, is simply Jesus Christ.
1 John 4:8,18 KJVS
He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. [18] There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.