What is one thing keeping you alive?
March 31, 2021
My life does not matter, but I think/hope that living my life has to matter. Every movement, every action, every conversation impacts something. My presence, no matter how flawed, affects something in this world in a way that is impactful. With this understanding comes the concomitant burden of living for others, especially during the days that I feel no desire to live for myself. Yet, I realize a life lived for others would cease to be my life, and therefore, my life would have no meaning. So, I can’t just be present for the sake of being because that is not enough to keep me alive. I can only carry the burden of living for others for so long until I give way to the pressures of living a non-existent life.
To combat the feeling of being an inanimate charger that’s only reason for existence is to supply something else energy, I search. I search for meaning and purpose in the hopes that I can fill my insatiable desire for happiness. The search is all that truly keeps me going. I know that this search for fulfilment that has escaped so many before me likely will escape me too, but reaching the horizon of happiness on the backs of love, relationships, and experiences, is what keeps me up and alive.I want to know what it’s like to reach the end of the rainbow, and I may never reach it but I’ll always stretch my arm and hope that I do.