The moment you read these sentences, maybe you’ve all set free. Congratulations!
It's been five years to be exact (I thought It was six) since the moment we broke up. There were many things I wanted to say at first place, but It may seems I’d rather keep them unsaid cuz I'm frightened I'll end up sobbing meler ingusan in front of you, malu. So yaa, I wrote this letter at 2 AM on a wet gloomy night (It’s morning already though). Now pray for me semoga mba kunti dak nyamperi.
First of all, I’ve been through a lot.
I’ve been through a lot, Xel.
I’ve been through things that I couldn’t told anyone about, not even to my closest ones. I suffered a river of tears that haunted me day and night. I questioned my value, as well as my worth. I couldn't do anything since every little thing here and there reminded me of you. I couldn't go to the places we'd always gone to — yes, I've had on this phase too, but I couldn't tell you right away cuz I felt the one who suffered the most was you. I went through my toughest times all by myself while everyone, including you, believed that I was all fine like nothing happened when I was actually not.
As I walked away, I didn't just lose a lover. I lost a best friend, a soulmate, my youth spirit, my first thought in the morning, my partner in all certainties, and most importantly, I lost YOU.
At this point, I ain’t gonna put the blame on you for anything happened at that time, and I ain’t gonna pour the rest of the blame to myself either here. However, we both made mistakes, and it was all about different kind of mistake and timing. Wasn’t it? We were both immature when we met, but we eventually discovered that love is all about filling each other’s needs and talking openly with one another, and we were both terrible at it.
Enough talking about. I'm sure I must’ve told you everything the moment we reunited for the sake of mixue-ing after five years being apart, so yaa, from now on, let me tell you about you. The most melancholy, kindest, and big-hearted man alive. The man who, according to almost every classmate of mine, has a frigid guy vibe and radiates so much vampire aura, yet his palm was warmer than the right side of my refrigerator at home. The man who smells like cigarettes, which became one of my new favorite odors back then, despite the fact that I had some respiratory problems. The man who completely became everyone's 911, but had no idea who might do the same to him. The man that you are, Axel Arman.