Articles and essays on design, technology, and my POV of the world. For shorter bursts find me on Mastodon.

National Adoption Month

Two illustrations side by side of a family of four surrounding a flower pot: a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter. In the first their expressions are flat. In the second, a small child is rising from the pot with a sun burst behind him, and the family’s expressions are now smiles.
Illustration by Mark Wyner

November is National Adoption Month, as set forth by Barack Obama in 2011. My wife and I are parents of five children, three of them adopted. I’d like to share some things we’ve learned on our journey (including transracial adoption).

History of Adoption

Historically adoption was secretive because of societal labels of illegitimacy. The needs of children were second to those of parents. Children simply weren’t protected or cared for as a primary focus.

Some key evolutions leading into modern adoption, focusing on and supporting adopted kids:

Types of Adoption

Have you seen the films Annie or Stuart Little? If so, you may think adoption means parents shopping for kids at an orphanage. But that’s not how it works. At least in modern adoption. There are a three common ways to adopt a child (each part of our journey):

  1. Foster adoption. This is when adoptive parents adopt children they have been fostering. Sometimes the adoption is intentional, while sometimes it’s fate.
  2. Traditional adoption. This is when a mother and/or father volunteers their child for adoption with an agency. They choose who they want to raise their child based on profiles of prospective families.
  3. Private adoption. This is when the biological and adoptive parents have made personal arrangements together. Usually in family settings. An attorney oversees some legal documents with no agency or government involvement.

Open/Closed Adoptions

Because of the secrecy of early adoptions (until the 1980s), most were “closed.” This means biological parents/children knew nothing about each other. Even how to make a connection later in life. In most cases, those files were on complete lockdown.

Most modern adoptions (~95%) are “open.” This means there is some level of connection between biological parents/children. That can simply mean names, photos, etc. are available. Or, sometimes, this means regular contact between them.

Of our three adoptions, two are completely open. In fact one of my kids is visiting his biological family right now. And the other was visiting hers this past summer. In my experience, open adoptions are the best course of action whenever possible. Though in some cases, for safety and other reasons, it is not.

Adoption Resources

There are myriad resources online. But a large majority of them focus on saviorism (many religious-focused). This aligns with the early era of parent-focused adoptions. This is most common with international adoptions. The focus should always be the child. Let that be your litmus test.

Here are a few general resources of integrity if you want to learn more:

Thanks for hanging with me and my verbosity. I hope you’ve learned some new things.

#Adoption #Fostering #NationalAdoptionMonth #Parenting #Family

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Illustration of me with a content facial expression. I am wearing a wine colored beanie, teal glasses, and my long full beard is brown with gray edges. There is a dreary forest in the background.
I’m Mark Wyner, an activist, dad, husband, Designer, writer, public speaker, and Mastodon moderator. If you want me to write for you or speak at your event please say hello.