On the Airplane
I have a fear of flying. As far as I can remember, this starts when I was small. I can't remember how old I was, but we were flying from one city to another, somewhere in Java. It was raining hard.
My fear is at its peak during three situations. First, the takeoff. Second, the landing. Third, the time the airplane is shaken when it flies through the clouds. This, I think, is connected to what I experienced in my childhood.
There is a scene I always remember. It was the dark sky and the dimmed light of the cabin while the plane was shaking. Everyone started to pray and called the name of God. Any God. I remember I was seated near my brother and my mother. I can't recall where my father was, but he should be nearby.
Our plane felt like it was losing height a couple of times. The feeling was of that when one thinks that it is finally the end. A free fall. But not quite, not yet, and suddenly at the next moment, the plane felt like pushing as best as it could to survive the bad weather. I remember people scream. I remember my mother held our hands: mine and my brother's.
In such calamity, my brother and I continued with our playing. We played a captain of a space battleship and his co-pilot, trying to penetrate a mighty enemy fortress and was attacked by thousands of drones. The ship was shaken due to the massive artillery attack that we took, and we were running out of ammunition. The situation was in peril, but of course, one should not give up the last hope one has. So brave the captain and his co-pilot, we flew forward and laughed. We laughed so hard and started to be absorbed into this world where our battleship should finish its mission: penetrating an impenetrable fortress.
“We lose our gun turret no. 76!” screamed my brother.
“Shields are down to 50%. Hang in there!”
“Enemy ships on the left, we can't shoot back. Maneuver! Maneuver!”
So the battleship made a particular maneuver that would make anyone in it scream in fear. It was so dangerous. Otherwise, we would hit the enemy's ships, and our mission would fail. We couldn't afford to fail. Any pilot can't afford to fail his mission. When a destination has been decided, one must fly there.
There were two things I would not let go: hope and the controller of my battleship. It was a one-handed stick, equipped with various buttons that take care of different functions. With one hand, I could control the course of the battleship and fired any weapon it had. Unfortunately, we ran out of ammo. What I could trust, only my instinct on how to fly the ship.
“But captain, how can we attack and destroy the fortress if we don't have any ammo left?”
My co-pilot asked an excellent question. How? I looked him on the face. The air was heavy, and the emergency announcement has been announced. We knew that the situation was so dire that it called for desperate measures.
“My dear brother, you probably know how this would end,” I said to him.
He looked at me, silent. He looked outside the window, he could see how bad it was. We were surrounded, and there was no way out but one.
“I see, captain. It is the only way,” he understood.
“Yes, it is the only way,” I replied.
On the heart of the battleship, there was a supreme inter-dimensional engine. If it is thrown to the power reactor of the fortress, it will create an enormous chain explosion that would destroy it.
“Be brave, O, my dear brother. The time to test our faith has finally come. It is for the good of humankind.”
“For the good of humankind.”
We hold the controller together, nodded into each other and then pushing it into full speed forward, toward the power reactor of the fortress. We hit many small enemy ships, suffered damages, and finally, it was there: the power reactor, our final target. We close our eyes and a flash of light so blinding hit our eyes.
I don't really remember how we land. But the pilot decided that we should fly back to the airport from which we took off. The runway was hard to see. The pilot determined that the safest way was to fly back and land there. Another reason: we've been flying round and round above the destination airport with no chance of landing. We almost ran out of fuel, so they decided to use the remaining fuel to fly back. I think we stayed in a hotel provided by the flight company.
Actually, I hid my fear. My family did not know about it. That night I was so scared. I couldn't stand the shaking of the plane, couldn't stand the sound of people praying, couldn't stand the uncertainty of the situation. I faked my enjoyment of the play. It was only my way of coping with the fear I was facing. To make it as enjoyable as possible, while making sure that my brother can accompany me too. But the truth is, I was engulfed in fear. I fear death. I fear that I will go to hell and will receive eternal damnation because I was a bad boy.
I still am.
I looked outside the window and saw a kingdom made of clouds. It was a landscape I never saw before. The sky was bright, blue colored, creating contrast with the white clouds that shapes terrains and buildings. There were cloud bricks and cloud walls. A castle in the sky, yet another mighty fortress. But this time, we don't have to penetrate it. It was a feast to the eye.
My hand grabbed my seat, and my sweat was running cold. But the world outside the window is one captivating world. The plane made a turn, this made it possible to see the terrain on the ground. I saw the hills, the foot of the mountains, the tiny houses, and the rice fields.
Everything looked so small from up here as if it is only toys: toy houses, toy cars. A land made of toys. So playful, so insignificant. If the old gods of the ancient looked down upon us from the skies above, would they feel what I felt? Human is so small. Everything they create is insignificant in the face of these ancient gods.
The airplane was shaken due to the clouds it passed through. I gasped. My neighbor looked at me, and I smiled at him. He smiled too. I remember the statistic said that traveling with the airplane yields the lowest accident number in comparison to other means of transportation.
I tried to look up from the window with no success. I was wondering whether I could catch a glimpse of one of the old gods from ancient times. I would like to see whether he was smiling at me or not.
Bremen, 8 July 2016
#shortstory