Journaling about life and mental health for whoever wants to relate or talk

I am mad...

An emotion that comes up often for me is anger. I am mad for so many reasons and I try to repress it so much, since it doesn't feel justified, but today I want to say all the things I am mad about. I am mad that I have depression, I am mad because I technically should be happy, but I am not. I am mad that I can't even say that I am sad, because sadness is a feeling that goes away, but whatever I have doesn't. As I think Jim Carrey said one day: “depression is your body saying fuck you, I don't wanna be this character anymore”. Why would I not want to be my character??? I am mad because I work so hard to be the best version of myself and it never seems enough. People will misinterpret my action and think I have bad intentions behind what I do; people will get advantage of me; people will manipulate me; people will abandon me; so yeah I am mad. But most of all I am mad at myself because I am never enough for myself. Rationally, I know that I am a pretty good person, I wish I had a friend like me, because even if I am not perfect I always try and I always have the best intentions in mind; so why am I not able to be f****ing proud of myself. I am mad that even when I do good things and fulfil my goals, all I can see are my mistakes. I am mad that I don't wanna live anymore. I am mad that I feel like I am not strong enough since I am struggling; I am mad that I feel like it's my fault that my mind is sick. I am also mad that no one can see how bad I feel. People will tell me how good I look and how healthy I look when I am just dying inside and it makes me feel so mad and unseen. I am so mad that I feel so alone. I am just so mad right now and I don't really know how to deal with it.

Hope this can make you express your anger too.

Lots of love,

Maybe I don't have a soul