Journaling about life and mental health for whoever wants to relate or talk

Live, why?

People say live a little, enjoy life, but why should I want to live in a world where all I do is give: give my energy; give my kindness; give my advices; give my care; give all of me; and all i seem to get is a fight inside head that even when i am winning, since I am still alive, it feels like I am loosing it. So live?! Tell me why would I want that?

Why is everyone so excited about life and i am here contemplating death everyday?

They say life is beautiful because it’s full of freedom, but there is no real freedom in this world: the social rules, the law, the popularity races, the standards, the categorizing of groups, the opinions of other; all i see is rules and limitations, while in death there is nothing and this sounds like freedom to me.

They say life is full of opportunity, which is true but is it worth the price of all opportunity coming with judgement and consequences which often trouble our inner peace? While death offers better opportunity no matter what you think there is after. If you think there is something after death, they say there is peace, which means that you will still have opportunities no matter whether they are talking with a loved one or jumping from an airplane, there will be no inner battles. And if you think death is the ending, it also is the ending of those inner battles, which seems like a huge opportunity to me.

They say life is full of hope and hope is the last to die, but death is my hope and i want my hope to be the first to live.
So can someone tell me why? Why should i want to live?

PS: I wrote this text and I am publishing it for two reason: I needed to express my feelings and tell them to the world staying anonymous while saying them, and in the hope to help someone that feels the same way to see that they are not alone, so if you feel like this know that you are not! It’s okay to feel like this, and you are one of the strongest people in the world if you are still holding on.

Lots of love,

Maybe I don’t have a soul