Journaling about life and mental health for whoever wants to relate or talk

What if my heart stopped... would you even miss me?

Sometimes I feel like people don't actually care how I feel, but just if I am alive. What I mean is that people will check on you if you get yourself into obvious dangerous situation, and once they know that you are, they stop asking. They don't ask themselves why you would put yourself into these situations. It's fine, it's not there responsibility. But why would they care about me when I am in danger, if when I am obviously dying inside in front of them, they will avoid asking how I feel, or avoid talking to me at all. It feels a bit fake. It feels like they think it's there responsibility to know that my heart is beating, and that's why they ask, to have clear conscience. Am I alive though, just because my heart is beating? Can't you see that my soul is slowly sliding away, and I will soon be just an empty shell walking around?

I am a genuine person, so when I care about someone, I don't just want them to have an heartbeat, I want them to be alive inside and out. Therefore when I check on someone, I also check on how they feel, even though the answer might be bad. So I am sorry if I think you don't care about me when you just care about my heart beating. I am sorry if I feel this is hypocritical. I am sorry if I don't actually think you are worried about me, but just about how my death will impact you. Answer to me, if my heart stopped, would you even miss me, or would you just miss the comfort of seeing my face around knowing that you might be responsible for it, since you checked if my heart was beating. If I am alive it is not thanks to you, it is thanks to the friend that asked me how I was feeling, that asked me where I was when I disappeared, that made me talk when I stood in silence, that hugged me when there was nothing else to do and it is thanks to me for fighting my demons. So if you want to check only on my physical health, do so, if it can clear your conscience, but when I will be dead, don't pretend you miss me, and excuse me if I don't think you are my friend.

Sometimes I feel like people asking me how I feel is just a form of politeness, if you feel like me you are not alone.

Lots of love,

Maybe I don't have a soul