Blog, scrapbook, and virtual space for my experiments.

A year in review

Looking back at a pretty terrible year.

It is that time of the year where we look back, analyse how our year was and figure out where we want to go. Except this my first time doing it.
Maybe I feel the need for an end of the year review because it's the end of a decade, or maybe because a lot (of mostly unfortunate events) happened to me this year. So here we go...

This year has been pretty terrible for me: I lost my beloved kitty Polifemo, ended a fifteen years relationship and, as a result, had to move back with my parents.
It took me the whole year to recover from these events and, to be honest, I don't feel like I am there yet.
First of all, and this is what affects me the most, I haven't sorted out my finances yet, so I can't move out of my parents' house.
They are great and are doing their best to help me, but at my age, this feels like such a major setback, I can't stop feeling like I need to move out ASAP, even if I don't necessarily need to.
Secondly, I am indeed still mourning my relationship: I don't want to get back with my ex and would say no if he asked, but everything we had built together has crumbled and is now dust. Thinking about this fills me with such a deep sadness I always end up crying; so that wound hasn't healed yet.
As for my kitty, this hit me hard as I miss his unconditional love, the affection, and the joy it brought me to have him around. Losing him made me realise I cope with death very badly.

This year wasn't all negative though and it did bring me a lot of good things that helped me overcome the bad ones.

Work-wise, it's been a great year, in which I finally felt that people have started to recognise the value of what I do, and how the fact that I truly care for our projects has a positive impact on the Company.
Thanks to my job, I was blessed with the opportunity of visiting Finland, a place I had wanted to visit since I was a teenager.
On top of that, my trip there was to work on one of the most creative games that released this year, with a studio I have been a fan of, as a gamer since one of their first projects came out back in 2001.

Losing my relationship made me realise how close to me some of my friends are. I never felt abandoned by them, and some of the people who I thought were close to me just because of my partner have shown up for me and made me realise they are my friends because of who I am.

The sudden need to get a grip on my finances, since I now need to sort out a mortgage I had split with my ex, made me focus on being mindful with my money which, in turn, made me save more money, and also helped me with adopting a more minimal lifestyle.

Last, but not least, I made my health a priority this year and I can happily say I am healthier now than I was ten years ago.
I am exercising and eating healthy almost every day and keeping my anxiety at bay with a good daily routine which involves yoga, meditation and journaling in the evenings.

Overall, there have been moments this year in which I felt like had never been so sad before, but I think I am OK now and I have also experienced moments of happiness and a feeling of great personal growth.


~ Melyanna