Day 60
I don't have much to say about today, it was a depressing day, preceded by a depressing night. Had one of those 'I feel nothing' days and night before. I honestly don't know what triggers these moments, I had been feeling off most of the week but I still was happy to an extent, by Friday night for whatever reason felt like I had a gapping hole in my chest. I felt empty and stuck but not necessarily alone. I didn't feel like that but I wanted to be alone but at the same time I wanted to escape myself, my life and where I was at that moment.
This also meant that I didn't sleep well or even on time, I do what I always do when I feel black and white, when nothing comes close to catching my attention or desire. I play one game for hours on end sometimes accompanied by some background music. In these moments I need background noise, I want to occupy myself with the nothingness that I feel. So after feeling so frustrated with everything and everyone, I started playing Polytopia and listened to The Strokes. Until my battery neared its end, I think the last 30/40 mins of my night my AirPods died and I just didn't want to hear any music.
After I woke up the following day, I just wanted to be alone, do nothing but lay in my room watching Netflix and I did exactly that, occasionally going down to eat and whatnot. I watched the Last Dance finally and boy was it a good documentary. I think it has to be hands down the best sports doc I've ever seen and I have seen a fair few.
Half way through my binge, I get a call around 9 or 10, asking if I wanted to jump out and I really wanted to get out of the house, so I did and ended up watching the boxing (no I am not much of a fan) but I did call the fight :D
Ended up coming home around half 12, which has to be one of the earliest returns to home in awhile, then wanted to just finish off the series and I just did. It is 3:39am and I've no idea when I'll eventually fall asleep but I thought I should get this post out of the way. I've kinda been pushing it back all day actually that's not true, it's not even been on my for the most part of the day, only since getting home.
But I am going to retire to my bed and maybe play Polytopia and listen to another band.
That'll be all. Night.