Introduction to why and whom I am writing to
The reason why I am writing now at 36 is because I'm getting old and don't want to loose my memories. Especially now when it all happens so fast and my needs seem to change every other week.
Whom shall be the one that reads this?
I will keep my posts public, accessible with a link and will share with dear ones.
I have to be honest that is more frightening than I initially imagined – writing for the posterity. But I need to keep track of my journey, to create milestones. And even more, to leave breadcrumbs behind for those moments when I will not know where to turn in to.
I learned along the way that turning to people, dear ones, its not gonna hold as most of the times Ill end up feeling more alone and frustrated that imagined. So I choose to give myself the option to turn to myself whenever I will need to re-read how I have navigated through intense moments.
Now this, is more frightening than writing for the posterity. Writing and turning to myself is the newest path I've ever chose to walk on. But I must admit it feels thrilling, having a bond, having a relationship with myself that I can count on walking further.
So what is on my mind today?
The way I feel about it.
Trying to rationalize it seems to be farfetched but I'll give it a go.
I have been trying a new life this summer. Sounds like a cliché which probably is, but I have no other option that to do things differently.
And through all this summer's “trials” here I am: in the point where, as always, I am dating.
Why this new is because I am dating a man that is a father.
I have never thought I will have a problem with this, but looking in closely there are very new factors that make me feel at unease.
Its the time and energy he could have less for me due to being a dad that loves his children and loves (I think) spending time with them that is new.
This is what really got my attention – the question that keeps coming back to me:
Can I actually share?
Will I be able to actually date a man who's personal time will be primarily dedicated to other creatures than myself?
Asking questions while navigating through the unknown :)