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Brain Implant Company Seeks FDA Approval for Mind Control Device

The medical device maker Brainr has filed a request to begin human trials for its latest break through in mind control technology. The Food and Drug Administration's Center for Devices and Radiological Health, the branch of the FDA responsible for premarket approval of such devices, acknowledged the application and will provide an expedited review. While the FDA did not provide justification for the accelerated process, sources indicate that Brainr is secretly led by the US Central Intelligence Agency under a shadowy Project MKUltra that started in the 1950s. That CIA program involved the original work to develop procedures and drugs for brainwashing and psychological torture. While MKUltra was halted in 1973, related programs continued to operate in the shadows. Brainr received funding in 2021 through In-Q-Tel, which is a venture capital firm funded by Congress and created to support the CIA's intelligence capabilities. Brainr's mind control device uses wetware connections to the brain implanted by a robotic brain surgeon. Those connections run to a small processor planted at the base of the subject's skull. The processor has Wi-Fi and cellular connections for real-time data exchange. Brainr's website lists the capabilities of the device which include direct advertisement injection, onboard sentiment analysis, thought collection, and direct action injection. Brainr has already signed more than twenty advertising agencies for early access to the test group of willing subjects, who have been promised a lot of free stuff. The CIA's use of the technology remains a secret for now, but several leaders in third world nations expressed concerns that their “Yes Men” may become “No Men”.