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Cicadas to be Used in New Sonic Weapon

Cicadas, long believed to be the insect world's most annoying creatures and capable of audibly ruining nice quiet Spring and Summer evenings with their mating calls, will be doubly annoying this year as two broods will emerge simultaneously and savagely launch their vicious songs of lust. Brood XIX, called the Northern Illinois Brood and also known as the “Earsplitters”, emerges every 17-years to unleash a heavy metal concert's worth of sound. Brood XIII, the Great Southern Brood or the “Migraine Makers”, takes the stage every 13-years with screeching songs of randiness. The last time these two broods showed up in the same year and held a joint but unwelcome concert back in 1803, the United States suffered a significant recession due to sleep deprivation by workers and farmers and William Henry Harrison, the governor of the Indiana Territory, signed treaties with several Native American tribes to cease hostiles and focus efforts on eradicating cicadas everywhere in the territory. Seizing on this unique opportunity, military weapons manufacturer R.J. Durmond plans to capture millions of cicadas as they surface from the ground and harness their voices into a new sonic weapon. Extremely high-power sound waves are known to disrupt eardrums and disorient people. Long-range acoustic devices (LRAD) have been used to disperse rioters and protesters and occasionally scare away pesky pirates. R.J. Durmond has already released the specifications of their new cicada-powered sonic weapon called the Insect Augmented Sonic Shield. Internally it is known as the “Bug Swatter”. The US Department of Defense has already placed an order for the first units for testing. R.J. Durmond has stated the usable shelf life of the Bug Swatter is only four to six weeks based on the cicada's adult lifespan.