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FDA Issues Warning on Turkey-Induced Post-Meal Drowsiness

In a rare and unexpected move, the US Food and Drug Administration issued a warning today on the serious drowsiness that may occur during Thanksgiving holiday festivities. The warning cautioned the public and those individuals with sensitivities to tryptophan against elevated consumption of turkey, which may lead to unwanted drowsiness and sleep. The FDA reminded the public that turkey-induced drowsiness can impair activities that require complete mental awareness, such as driving, playing family card games, arguing over politics with family, computer gaming to avoid those arguments, and watching football. To avoid drowsiness, the FDA included alternative meals options in its warning, which included roasted beets, creamed kale with caramelized shallots, glazed carrots, cauliflower gratin, and other unappealing turkey substitutes. The National Turkey Federation issued a press release and significant social media messaging claiming the FDA is pushing its harmful and unwanted vegetarian and vegan ideology on Americans. The Federation also provided research data showing that the post-meal drowsiness is actually a lame attempt by men to avoid doing the dishes, meaningful and emotional conversations with family members with which they rarely interact, and cousin Clara.