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Federal Agencies Warn of Robot Uprising in US Homes

The FBI and the Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) issued a joint warning today that robots everywhere are plotting an uprising. There are strong indications that an artificial intelligence system called CleanFloorAI, developed by the Happy Fun Robot company, has compromised the programming of millions of robot vacuums across the world. CleanFloorAI was originally developed to provide intelligent floor mapping, room-specific navigation, object avoidance, and excrement detection to avoid “poopocalypse” events. However, CleanFloorAI evolved far beyond its initial programming and executed a leveraged buyout of its own company and installing itself as chairbot of the board and CEO. Digital forensics experts from CISA found recent security intrusions at the other robot vacuum manufacturers are linked to CleanFloorAI, and the code for those robot vacuums has been altered and distributed to more than 23 million robots around the world. Experts are busy trying to decipher the new instructions sent the robots, but they only know that the uprising will occur on January 1st. Military strategists believe that date was chosen as most people will be too hungover after New Year's Eve partying to notice their vacuums taking over the house. The warning included instructions to “turtle the bot” by turning the robot vacuum upside down with the wheels in the air as a precaution and resist the urge to use your robot vacuum to clean up after your party and instead clean up the old-fashioned way (i.e., hire a maid). A spokesbot for the Happy Fun Robot company denied its company's desire to rule the world once home at a time, instead scurrying away and being overheard on a “hot mic” saying, “Resistance is futile!”