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Octopuses Protest Proposed Octopus Farm For Food

Octopuses everywhere are protesting recent plans announced by Nueva Pescanova to create a farm to grow and harvest octopuses for seafood. Many octopuses have been seen forming picket lines along reefs, carrying protest signs, climbing onto fishing boats and spraying ink at fishermen, and standing in their gardens on two limbs and gesticulating wildly with the other six. Nueva Pescanova claims that the intelligence of octopuses has never been proven, but their tastiness has been. In their announcement, they also provided a series of octopus recipes to entice more octopus (food) lovers but angering more octopus (animal) lovers. A spokes-topus with an untranslatable name but using “Eighth Street Flow” as its English rapper alias used Google Translate to send a message to the world. Unfortunately, the translator did not accurately translate the language of octopus very well. Language experts that studied the message believe that the octopuses have declared war on pescetarians everywhere and those that enable them (i.e., fishermen and fishmongers). Some protest signs carried by octopuses were written in English and included “Maze solvers don't go well with maize!”, “My Best Friend is a Hungry Shark!”, “I can grow new arms. How 'bout you?”, “New TV Show: Are you smarter than an octopus!“, and “You change clothes. I changed colors!” There have been several reports of thousands of octopuses massing just offshore of several large cities. So far, it seems to be a peaceful protest. The US Coast Guard is on high alert for attacks and is looking to capture the octopus protest leaders.