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Polar Vortex Precedes Canadian Invasion

Record-breaking cold weather continued over the weekend and is expected to last through the week. The US Department of Defense is preparing for an invasion from the North. Just as the polar vortex from Canada moves into the US, Canadian Armed Forces are believed to follow it. Under the cover of extreme weather, the Canadian soldiers are expected to overwhelm American forces in a military operation code named “Operation Rolling Winter”, a combined Royal Canadian Air Force and Canadian Army operation that moves with the extreme winter weather to obscure their movement and strikes. The Royal Canadian Navy will simultaneously blockade US East Coast ports and launch attacks from the Great Lakes on Chicago, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Detroit, and Buffalo crippling American industry. While Americans are huddled around their fireplaces, electric space heaters, and crypto-mining rigs, the Canadian soldiers will quickly overrun cities and towns, apologizing as they go. The Canadians will are expected to halt and hold their territorial gains after capturing Denver, Kansas City, Indianapolis, and Columbus. Military strategists believe that the Canadian Armed Forces are more than capable of this advanced operation, especially using their winterized equipment and superior cold weather military training. Their ultimate objective is to capture more land far enough South for vacations in warmer areas. The commander-in-chief of the Canadian Armed Forces, King Charles III of the UK and Canada, was briefed on the plan this past summer and green-lit the operation to proceed in the fall given the tempestuous state relations between the USA and Canada.