Prosings on life, relationships, and society

Tinder Advice for Women: What You're Doing Wrong, and How to Fix It

I am a man, and I love women. They play an invaluable role in society, and especially in a man’s life: they create children, positively distract from the competitiveness of masculine life, and make excellent partners — among many other things. But there’s some things women get wrong, like knowing what a man is looking for in a life partner, in particular. I am a feminist — and I want to see women win — so this article is going to dive into the common mistakes that women make when using dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, and what you as a woman can do to fix these mistakes.

The idea for this article was in large part inspired by my disdain with the general consensus of advice that I see parroted around the web for women — notably by other women. I’ve stumbled upon countless blog posts over the last few years that all offer the same generic-ass bullshit about “being yourself” and making sure you “put effort in and don’t give up.” No shit. The problem with the traditional advice that you’ll hear from women (and men that don’t know what they’re talking about) is that it’s absolutely vapid and completely lacks any practicality. This article, on the other hand, will offer you real, razor-sharp advice that you can put into play immediately.

It’s worth noting that this article is for women that want to find a long-term relationship with a quality man. If it’s Friday night and you're looking for fun, or if you just got out of a bad relationship and you simply want to get railed, then none of this applies. In that case, take as many photos with your tits out as your heart desires, put “DTF” in your bio, and start swiping. But if you’re looking for something that will last, with someone that is worth creating a lasting relationship with, then continue reading.

Things You May Be Doing Wrong

You present an overly-extravagant lifestyle

These women are the worst offenders, and they probably don’t even realize they’re doing this. And I get it. You’re fun, you’ve collected lots of great life experiences, and you’ve been to all the trendy vacation spots. Unfortunately, this communicates to most men that you’re going to be too difficult to please and impress. Whether this is factual or not is beside the point. I’m much more likely to swipe right on a woman that stays at home and plays with her cat and knits all day long. No woman under 60 lives like this, of course, but the point is you’re probably doing too much. It’s okay if you have the means to live it up, but men don’t want to see that shoved in their faces. Even the most financially capable men that I know roll their eyes when they see a girl that has been all around the globe. In fact, lie if you have to. You don’t go out unless your girlfriends drag you out (you’d rather be at home cooking dinner), you spend your weekends studying at the library, and you’d prefer a casual Starbucks date over going to a five star restaurant. If you absolutely must include your cute photo of yourself touching the tip of the Eiffel Tower, remember that you took that picture the ONE TIME you went outside the country to celebrate your high school graduation (or whatever the fuck, just think of something). You can still be authentic while being selective about how you present yourself. And if you’re worried about attracting lower quality men as a result of portraying your more down-to-earth side, remember that you don’t actually match with a man until you swipe right on him too.

You’re getting your pictures all wrong

This one is quite broad and varied, but I’m going to focus on the most common things that women get wrong when it comes to their selection of pictures.

Aesthetically speaking, most men want a woman who has a nice body, a pretty face, and a good sense of style. When you’re selecting your pictures, most of them should reflect the latter two attributes. Trust me: we would absolutely LOVE to see that you have boobs. But one picture with cleavage (or my personal favorite: nipples poking through a tank top or t-shirt) is all that it takes to confirm our suspicion that they’re there. In the rest of your pictures you should be dressed in a way that is cute and feminine, but covered. You can add full body pictures, throw in a gym selfie, whatever — but you should minimize the amount of skin that you show. The respect that you will gain from a man by doing this grossly outweighs whatever initial horniness that you will spark by flaunting your tits in every picture. You shouldn’t be promoting instant gratification; make him get off his ass and take you out on a date if he wants to eventually see more of your breasts. And remember: you’re looking to build a relationship with somebody that wants to be with YOU, not just your body. If I swipe right on a girl that has an abundance of tit pics on her profile, I go into that pursuit with the goal of getting her in bed, not creating a legitimate relationship.

Also, if you’re overweight, don’t make every picture a zoomed in shot that doesn’t show anything but your shoulders up. Men generally want to be with a woman that is a healthy weight, but you might not be as out of shape as you think. If you’re on the chunkier side, there’s definitely still a lot of great men out there that would love to be with you, but you may be potentially letting your overly-critical perception of yourself stop something great from happening. So zoom the fuck out. Present yourself as you are. If a man doesn’t want you, he’ll swipe left, and you’ll never even know it happened. Otherwise, if he’s interested, he’ll swipe right and he’ll know exactly what he’s getting into.

And don’t use filters. You’re not a child anymore.

Other miscellaneous things that help: wear minimal makeup in your photos (this doesn’t mean don’t wear makeup in general — again, we just want to know what we’re getting into), keep the pet pictures to a minimum (we want to date you, not your cat), and conceal that RBF with a smile as much as possible.

Your bio is too common or vague

You watch Netflix, you can’t resist cute puppies, you love spontaneous adventures, and pasta is the way to your heart. Congratulations, you’re just like every other twenty-something year old woman in the United States. It’s okay to have one or two of these things in your bio, but none of this shit says anything about what makes you different than other women. And while these cliche one-liners won’t hurt your overall presentation, they surely aren’t going to get the attention of men that want to settle into a serious relationship, either. Instead, focus your bio on getting across the fact that you are interested in settling down and starting a relationship. The girls with the “not looking for anything serious, just a husband” and “let’s break dating stereotypes by moving in together” bios are really endearing. Your bio doesn’t have to be that blunt or basic, but write something that alludes to the fact that you’re ready for something serious. This is your opportunity to get creative.

Another mistake is having a bio that looks like it was copied and pasted from another woman’s Tinder account. I can’t tell you how many times I have encountered “here for a good time, not a long time” in a single swipe session. You don’t have to be entirely original, but don’t be a carbon copy of every other woman on the platform.

Your bio doesn’t have to be a paragraph, either. Men are visual and they don’t open dating apps to read essays, so two lines will suffice.

The Ideal Dating Profile

After a quick brainstorming session involving myself, two other men, and a woman in the target demographic of this post (mostly involved with the intent of laughing at her reaction), I have compiled some attributes that I believe would make an ideal female dating profile that all four of us would swipe right on:

Your pictures

  1. Your sexy tit/nip picture to get his attention

  2. A cute, full-body but CLOTHED mirror selfie because it’s fall and you have to show off how cute you can dress in the colder months (he’ll be excited to see this in person when he asks you out)

  3. You in your graduation gown holding your diploma; you’re smart, and this is something you should be proud of and something that a quality man should want in a woman

  4. A gym picture to show that you’re fit and you care about your health, but you go to the gym for precisely those reasons — not because you view the gym as a PG-13 strip club

  5. This one can be a wild card, but any candid shot that shows how adorable you look performing menial day-to-day tasks works

  6. Your cute kitten on her back with her fury stomach in the air (alternatively, this could be your Eiffel Tower picture)

And remember to smile in all of these pictures.

Your bio

This one is more difficult to create a specific example for, but this is your opportunity to show that you’re quirky and fun (this can be your cliche line), but also that you want a relationship (this is your line that suggests so).

Final Thoughts

None of this shit is rocket science, but some of these things might not be immediately apparent. As a man that’s used Tinder for years now, these are some of the things that I noticed that women get wrong, and my views are backed with plenty of empirical evidence from other men as well. Using this article as a rule of thumb will maximize your chance of getting swiped on by a man that’s actually worth a shit, and now it’s up to you to spot these men and reciprocate. Maybe in the future I’ll write an article on how to spot quality men on dating apps :)