Rare Examples of When Embracing the Autistic Self Can Be Inauthentic
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This article can also be viewed at https://medium.com/non-monetized-together/rare-examples-of-when-embracing-the-autistic-self-can-be-inauthentic-0efbc7b7feaf.
The dominant theory in the autism community seems to be that when an autistic person behaves in a way that is associated with autism, that person is expressing their true identity, and should be encouraged to do so, as long as they aren’t harming themselves or anyone else.
I think this is mostly true. But in my experience living on the spectrum, there are some examples where these behaviours actually make it harder for me to express my authentic self.
Especially in terms of conveying my emotions. Autistic habits like stimming, an inappropriate tone of voice, or low eye contact can result in my outer self not matching up with how I feel on the inside. In order to express myself authentically, I do need to restrain my autistic behaviours to some extent so people can see how I really feel.
Stimming comes across to other people as frustrated or uncomfortable, but often indicate pleasant emotions for autistic individuals. This means that when I’m stimming, I’m not expressing my emotions as I feel them, which means that I need to hide my stimming if I want to demonstrate my real emotions.
My autism also means I have a harder time gauging my tone of voice, so I need to actively monitor it if I want to express my true self.
And if I want to talk to someone in public, I have no choice but to demonstrate that by giving eye contact.
Here’s another example. I may have an urge to explore my special interests, but if I’m not careful, I can spend too much time looking at that and not enough time doing other things I want to do. The most authentic version of me would be the one where I spend some time absorbing my special interests and some time doing other things. The version of me that doesn’t regulate my autism-powered laser-focus and spends too much on my special interests would be less authentic.
Sensory and motor issues can also interfere with an autistic person’s self-expression. In the Letters from Aspergia blog post “Autism Really Cramps My Style,” the author explains how her fashion options are limited by her sensitivity to texture and fit, and how her poor motor skills rule out options such as wearing heels or doing her hair. When she wears uncomfortable clothing, it can bother her enough that she struggles to get things done or talk nicely to people. Despite this, she feels like her current fashion style doesn’t suit her and wishes she could dress differently.
In conclusion, non-autistic people should welcome autistic expression with a few caveats. It’s up to autistic people to decide what works best for them. Their views on the matter should be taken seriously. Do you have any other examples of when autism clashes with authenticity?