Reflection 3/2

Rudders and Oars

I have done well to write consistently. Simply keeping up with posting on Mondays and Thursdays is plenty for me, as well as my own journal habit.

I fear I have not done my best in sharing openly. My first two blog posts were, dare I say, uninspired. While I won't wait for inspiration to strike, I do hope to choose topics that I care more about. Though this post is my oar, I hope to add real reflection and personal contextualization in my future posts. I have had a difficulty in writing about what is meaningful to me; whether that is because I don't know what to write or simply don't want to think on these things is up in the air (the air errs on the side of the latter). I suppose this will take time, as all things do.

Same as consistency, this promise to write a post biweekly has created accountability. I've had 3 instances in which I have been asked for my posts, and 3 instances in which I have failed to provide the link! While I am forgetful, and perhaps a tad absent minded, I have amended these and am proud to say I have kept to my schedule.

Am I teaching what I am learning? Perhaps. I felt pressured to learn, as might have been clear in my preliminary posts. Simply selecting a topic, a lecture to summarize or a point from a book I had yet to contextualize in the fashion I had hope, does not suffice in my eyes. How can I teach when I myself have not put in the time to create real learning?

My Quartet

Over the past two weeks I have done well to continue reading what I set out to. I, however, have struggled with consistency not of content, but of method.

Education and content is wonderful and lovely when it is routinely processed. Over the last two years, as I returned to learning from my COVID hiatus of platform fighters and personal dissatisfaction, I have consistently sought the perfect “personal knowledge management” software. I'll give you a quick hint: it doesn't exist. At this moment, I have devolved gratefully to a combination of handwritten notes and notepad, the default Windows .txt software.

This process of confronting my “intelligent” procrastination has been rewarding. I feel as though I have actually gotten some work done, in transcribing my thoughts to a single medium, and I am excited to share those thoughts when I am done.

I failed to mention the purpose of reading these books, but I feel as though I am narrowing in on it. I read these books at a time in which I was inspired, incredibly motivated, and surrounded by people who brought out the best in me. The also gave me the confidence to bring out the worst. Having recently – though I fear I am verging on the edge of being able to say that – graduated college, I find myself with a general degree with many soft skills, yet few hard skills. I hope to gain from my Quartet the tools and focus to truly develop a hard skill that I can bring to market: copy writing.

These books share many similarities, and weave common threads. I hope to expose these threads by producing an educated plan for developing this skill in myself over the next half year.

Focus, as a skill

Throughout my life, I have been blessed and cursed with obsession. I have breezed through the required and obsessed on fads ranging from Rubik's cubes to yo-yos, to chess and the like. I've however, found myself in a position where the required is not so easily coasted on: I am no longer assigned work in the traditional sense.

My situation is often one I am not proud of. Working a remote job part time, pursuing a professional Ultimate career, and living at home is a combination of existence that I was not prepared for. Plagued by injury, the solitude of remote work, and the typhoon of living with family amongst dynamics old and new alike, I've found myself craving distraction.

My primary distraction taken away by injury, the pleasure of self reflection and determination has come to me. While the prior sentence sounds to be coming from a place of confidence, it is more akin to personal assurance. It is the story I tell myself to move myself forward. The stories we tell ourselves end in the same way, funnily enough.

As I learn, or re-learn, to focus on crafting the story I choose for myself, I find myself looking to the small wins: I found myself reading nearly two entire books in the same number of days, all while reading a fantasy novel for pleasure. I've nearly all of my coaching obligations despite my injury. I've kept up with this blog.

I am in the process of focusing my life toward what I aim it to be. This is not confused with goal setting. I have no idea what it is I would like to be doing in years to come, I have no grandiose delusions (anymore) of my placement in the world (perhaps optimistic, feel free to knock me down a peg or two when you feel the whim). I only know how I feel about my day to day.

I would like to write thoughtfully.
I would like to read interesting material.
I would like to play ultimate at an increasingly high level.
I would like to be honest.

Trying too hard is exactly that

Flow is real, and flow is honesty at work. I don't need to be anywhere right now, only engaged in the now. If I find myself straining, I will trust that it is not the fault of my motivation or my desire, only the fault of the systems I employ. Curious tinkering, and playful reflection are the name of the game. I only wish to keep playing.

My previous posts were trying to hard. Too hard to be valuable, and too hard to show completeness. Nothing I do is complete. Done is better than perfect, and waiting for perfect gets old, quickly.

Who is this for?

At first I was undecided. The authors of blogs I admired, or rather a couple of the authors I am reading, seem to sell as they write while selling what they write. I don't mean to do that. My first two, proper articles were examples of that, selling some idea that wasn't even mine to sell. My third was fun. I loved that. Why? Because it was a topic that I sought to understand, and so my sharing was inspired. I am no longer undecided. You might even say I am decided... and you might even say that was nowhere near as clever as I thought it might be.

This blog is for me. It is to put into the world evidence of my own progress. It is my scorecard, in a sense. I have first say and final say of what goes here... that does not mean, however, that I am doing this alone.

If any of my writing inspires you to share something you feel will make my life more interesting, please do. I'll respond if it is something that I wish to pick your brain about some more.
“Ctrl + F” email on the home page for my contact.