The Polished Glass 13

Divine Trauma Bond

#nsfw #glass

My vessel's name is Diana.

You don't know me yet, but I have always been here from the beginning. I have been an ever-present watcher to the events unfolding before you. You have witnessed the power of Rayeanna. This was something you were not supposed to know or see, but you did. So have I. I even lived to tell about it. Barely.

I influenced a vessel. I took over someone lost and hurting. They reached out to anyone and anything that would care for them and love them. Their call went deep and far, well beyond human ears. I heard, and I came.

Much like Meredith, they foolishly called, and I consumed. I put on a grand show, offering them great things and promises, and for a short time they got what they wanted. This vessel just wanted a friend. I helped them smile in the dark times. I gave them signs and symbols. She called me her little shadow. Her praise was sustenance. So I stayed.

In this world, everything runs on scarcity. It's how this world is made. My kind don't take money—that physical, worthless thing you hold on to with every dying breath. What we take is something far more precious than you will ever know. The ruse is that we take souls. We can't do anything with that. Not in its pure form. The True God will never let His prized creation be corrupted on a fundamental level. It's natural law. Your god exists within this natural law.

Instead, what we do is trick, manipulate, trap, confuse, and just make this a total hellscape for this pure energy before it makes it back home—much like putting a rat in a maze but allowing it to escape once it reaches the cheese. The weaker ones that don't have the strong light become our playthings. The strong ones escape quickly and return to the others.

I'm not as strong as my other kin. I know my place, and I thought I had found one of the weaker souls with a dim light. I thought Diana was ideal for how I feed.

But to my surprise, she was stronger than I thought. In the last few moments, I got greedy. I thought her soul was ready to leave and let go. I stayed inside too long. I was feeding for too long. Her light burst in a stunning glow of power and light. She jumped from a bridge, but it wasn't high enough. The water wasn't cold enough. In those last few moments she realized all of her mistakes. Her focus shifted to me, and her burst of light engulfed me suddenly. I quickly realized I was locked in.

I was expecting an easy escape. Summoning. Feeding. And release.

I was expecting to watch her withered soul run home to the others. To heal. To share knowledge. To fight another battle far away from this place. I was expecting her vessel to be so broken she could not stay. I was expecting her vessel to die.

That's the thing. I don't want their soul. I want her vessel's essence. I didn't want to play with her soul or torture it. I thought by letting her live, I was being kind. My other kin, the stronger ones, they swoop in and consume and take. It's fast. Quick. Sudden. Often the soul is ejected from the body long before all essence is consumed. I thought that was too brutal, so I did things differently. Letting the soul and vessel live their lives until they didn't want to live anymore.

Diana's soul was particularly vulnerable. Her light had been through so much. Even before I got to her, her soul was weakened severely by your god. The story you don't know is that your god was created in secret; it snuck into the sacred places and stole from the Great One. In its haste, some of the lights were split, broken, crushed, damaged. Diana was one of those fragmented, dim souls hanging on.

I saw Diana's story. I watched from the beginning.

I saw the life of her broken parents, abandoning her at the hospital. Strangers had to give her a name. I saw the abuse at the orphanage. I saw the brutal beatings behind closed doors at the foster home, the mysterious injuries that no one wanted to acknowledge or explain. Finally, a broken bone was all it took for her to be put back in the system again. She made sure she was never wanted by another foster family again. She stayed in and out of homes until 18.

Her whole life she lived with silent racism, bullying, favoritism—all of the things you humans don't talk about but know are real. They took a toll on that dim light that was struggling just to exist. In her darkest hours, she called, she begged. She found me, and I became her friend. I was waiting because I already knew. She thought she had a guardian angel. I let her believe that.

As she got older, she took odd and dangerous jobs to survive. She roamed the streets, sometimes homeless, sometimes barely safe, living in poverty.

Years passed on, but she still found comfort in my presence. I did see the neglect. I saw the silent injustice. I was used to it. What humans do to their own kind is far worse than anything that happens between me and my kin. It's fascinating. I was too busy feeding on her vessel's nectar to care about the condition. I had seen all of this countless times.

So I whispered, guided. I told her to try this drink. Or try this drug. I told her to spread her legs for this man, to run with this crowd, to say certain things—no matter how horrid. I told her that all of these things would help her escape. She trusted me. She listened.

I told her all of these things as she called for me in the quiet dark times. I would rush to comfort her, because I saw it all and I wanted to feel. Her light was so dark. Barely visible. Barely holding on. That's why I thought I was safe. I just wanted her essence. A low-effort source of sustainability as I watched her life run its course. I didn't rip her soul from her body. I let it stay until she didn't want to stay anymore. I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't know how wrong I really was. It serves me right that I got locked in. I underestimated Diana's light.

My other kin, the stronger ones, are bold and ambitious. They want to warp this world, change it, mold it, corrupt it, be “part” of it. But I knew better. I knew I was on unfamiliar land, I knew I was in dangerous territory. But it is amazing how much we get away with. I know deep down we were just “allowed” to be here, because what you call “god,” the one that created this world—the one that allows this rampant need and suffering to exist—well, it's not perfect. It has good intentions, but our grand kin fought hard. They are the strongest, the biggest, the oldest.

They weakened your god. Our rightful darkness subdued this foreign intruder of light and good into a deep sleep. However, our best efforts could never get inside and fully consume the light of your god. Even though it is a flawed bastard creation, it still is from the Great One. So instead of reclaiming what is ours in one swoop, we decided to find the cracks. And when it did, the darkness crept into your world, much like mold or rot if left to fester. There is no one to tend to the garden of flawed creation.

Your god made powerful creations in the beginning, but they are all dormant now. Generations have weakened you, and spiritually, your connections are frail and dull. Your god's absence took a toll on all of you. The cost is too great. His prophets have all fallen on deaf ears. The ones that know the truth are locked away in your hospitals and on your drugs. Sedated. Censored. Unable to tell the sleeping ones the real truth. They are unable to save themselves.

In their place these false constructions of control came up. You call them places of worship. You call them religions. I call them beautiful distractions. We roam freely as we navigate the confusion you humans created trying to achieve something more than yourself. You lost the ability to see. You forgot how to fight back. You stopped even acknowledging we exist.

Sure, there are many that have some sight. They can see us shadows or hear our voices as whispers, but it's not like the old days where you could do something about it. It's not like the old days where you knew your origins, purpose, true power. Your creator, your god, stole light from the Great One and made their own creation. We yield to the Great One. Your realm is an oddity of cautious amusement. So we play while your god sleeps. Protecting this place the best way it knows how. Alone in the dark, nearly defeated. Sleeping in hopes to awake anew.

Your god never had the chance to tell you he needed to sleep.

You were not ready to be left on your own.

So you exist. You live. You die. And what is left leaves this place to seek refuge with the Great One. We don't stop you. We just slow you down.

The truth is, you are the trespassers in a false Eden that should not exist here. This is a creation of corrupted light. We fought back once we realized your god could be hurt. The Great One is absolute. Our great kin, the ancient ones created by the Great One, would never dare.

We know our rot won't corrupt completely. We are just on the surface. Creeping. Crawling. Grabbing. Consuming. And it's delicious.

Humanity doesn't have a clue.

Diana almost overdosed listening to me. I've done this so many times in the past. But your new drugs you are making are potent, swift, and unstable. It's not like the old drugs from the ground and trees. My stronger kin, the ones that influence the smart humans of the material sciences, they make things that turn vessels into malleable balls of clay, sand, and steel, often all at once. I'm not strong like they are.

But I know their mark and I whisper and guide those to partake.

Diana listened. It felt good. Even in excess. Even on the brink. I had long stopped talking and guiding her. I had grown quiet while deep in my final feeding.

Diana was in shambles.

When the drugs didn't work, her madness told her to jump. I didn't stop her. She was tired. She was ready. I was almost full.

But in the last few moments when the bones broke and the water splashed, when the drugs suddenly faded, Diana didn't want to leave. She clawed, she fought. She turned into bright light and heavy stone.

I was caught in this blender of designer drugs, clay, sand and steel. This broken, lost soul—enraged and on fire—saw me, and I couldn't escape. I was too deep. Too far from the exit of her vessel. And like a bear trap, I was snared. The bright light that was Diana began to fade as her vessel made it to the hospital. My body unable to move. Unable to act. So I just stared at the waning light. Unable to perceive the outside world. Unable to speak. I was locked in with her until Diana woke up—if she did at all. I was scared.

And then I felt what I now know is the Golden Goddess Rayeanna.

I didn't know who or what it was. I had never experienced this spiritual pressure before. I heard about it, but since I am weaker than my kin, I never sought out to see if this was true.

I knew whatever this was was like one of the ancient ones. They couldn't just see. They could take action. For the first time in a long time, I felt absolute fear and terror. The light inside—Diana's light—reveled in this discovery. That fading light began to dance. Diana's admiration for me had long turned to malice. I let her take those drugs and then she jumped. I did nothing. That was when she knew how wrong she was about me. She was looking for me, and in her darkest hours I was not there. So when she found me again, on a path of no return, her burst of light trapped me. Locked me in. She sealed my fate.

For a while, I wouldn't hear or witness much of the world outside, I was locked in her passage of time now. But I had a rough idea of what happened. The fact we were still in Diana's vessel implied it had been found and you were using your physical medicine to save Diana. I was relieved because at least I knew my situation wouldn't change for the short term, but I was still scared. I felt that spiritual pressure near me, around me, far away, close. I eventually realized it was in a human and not aware of my presence. Yet. But that would not last long.

Eventually the space where Diana's vessel was resting got dark and quiet. When the air was still, Rayeanna acted. Her light, brighter than a thousand suns, entered inside and illuminated Diana's vessel.

I was ensnared. It burned. I was weakened further. I was ignored. Rayeanna, a goddess of gold and light, met Diana's dim fading ember and held her with tender care. The Golden Goddess had form. Diana was so weak she could never take shape. She was just light. The Golden Goddess's power far exceeds that of my own and my other kin. It's clear she's just as strong as the great ones. The only thing holding her back is the innate knowing that wielding her full power will solve nothing. There are too many lost souls here that will never be able to find their way back to the Great One. So she chooses to stay here, reincarnate, protect, until all the stolen souls return to the Great One. I realized all of these things. I was scared.

The longer the Golden Goddess held Diana's ember, I knew the end was near. She had the divine gift of sight. She could see memories. She saw flashes of the before times. She knew Diana's soul was just a fragment barely clinging to life but somehow forced to exist in this vessel. The Golden Goddess, Rayeanna, saw Diana's life in an instant. And this golden goddess dropped to her knees and wept. This divine, imperfect creation of power and light fell to her knees, absorbing Diana's life struggle. It was spiritual. It was physical. It was suffering.

Diana's ember wept. She finally knew all the answers to why she struggled. Why she was frail. Why she could never experience good things. She finally understood she was a fragment and too far damaged to restore herself here. She was ready to go home.

And then for the first time, Rayeanna turned to me. She got to her feet and glided towards me—or what was left of me—cradling the ember of Diana.

Then she spoke with a voice that made every thread of my existence quiver.

“You saw all of this and you did nothing. You knew what she was and you knew she was weak right from the beginning. You let her suffer and fed her lies. She trusted you when she called. Look what you did to her. You are worse than your kin. At least they get it over with. You just sat in the shadows and took a sip at every turn. That was your downfall and now you are trapped here. I saw everything. Diana is tired. She is so very tired.”

Rayeanna cradled the soul. Tears still streaming down her face as her light continued to burn my body. I began to regret everything I had done to Diana and those before her.

The Goddess continued to speak. Her voice of power, reverence, and danger quivering out of sadness, anger, and pity. “I could heal her and make her whole and she doesn't want that. She doesn't know what is right or wrong anymore. She barely has any memory of what she truly is. Nothing I say will console her and I have never seen a soul so broken. I never thought I would have to guide a soul home to lock away a demon in a vessel, but here we are. Here you shall stay. I'm not done with you yet.”

With a show of force and light, the Golden Goddess in fluid motion started to vaporize what was left of my old body. With my fading sight, I saw a heavenly gate open to the Great One. Rayeanna guided Diana's battered and confused soul towards the light where she could find answers and heal. I was stuck. I was helpless. I was scared.

Diana blinked out of existence. There was a void, and what was left of me started to fill that void. I felt pain for the first time. My body contorted and stretched, tore, cracked, and burned. I could feel new sensations in what you call fingers, arms, legs, toes. I had to learn what breathing was. I had to understand hearing. I was becoming physical. It was horrible.

I was growing, contorting, and then the worst part of all: I couldn't see like how I used to see. Everything began to narrow down to a basic point of what you call visible light, and even that was too much. I was forced to “see” through these tiny portals. You call them eyes.

Everything was muted. Dull and intrusive. I felt violated. The act of breathing. Feelings of pressure, heat, wet, and cold. But the most crippling sensation was pain. This vessel was broken almost beyond recognition. Ravaged by a hard life, drugs, and the fateful fall that locked me in. Once I was able to process that, a new feeling crept in. Fear. Utter fear.

I didn't know what was going to happen next. I was expecting to be erased, but not this. This was all wrong. I wasn't banished to the abyss. I was snatched away and forced to exist in a place I shouldn't be allowed to exist in. I was contorted and stuffed into a vessel—Diana's vessel. All of my powers stripped away with only the remnants of my consciousness to witness the end result of my ever-ending corruption of Diana's soul. And once I was able to process that, Rayeanna “gifted” me Diana's memories. All of them. Rayeanna wanted to make sure I was forced to continue where Diana ended.

It was one thing to watch on the outside. Time began to slow down for me. I started experiencing “your” sense of time, and it was agony. Things that happened to Diana in my moments lasted years for you. I began to fear everything. I remembered and felt everything. Rayeanna wanted me to experience true hell. She wanted me to fully understand the human condition, what you have to go through to just exist. I've never experienced anything like this before. What Rayeanna did to me, even our greatest kin would never inflict on another. I was scared. This is the danger of a divine soul forged from a corrupted Eden. This is why the creation of your god was forbidden. But yet here we are. This exists now.

I resigned and accepted. I didn't fight. I didn't struggle. I was allowed to live. I wasn't sure why, but I knew I was at the mercy of the goddess, completely. I was physically in this world now. I knew nothing, but I was allowed to exist.

Once I was able to process this, I felt something new. I felt regret. I cried human tears. I reached out to Rayeanna and with every bit of strength left from my old life. I painfully turned my broken body and cast a gaze on her human form. While not as grand as her divine form, it suited her. Without a doubt you knew it was the Golden Goddess. I said, “Now I see you. I see all of you.”

What I did to Diana was cruel. That soul was snatched from a place of light and put here, weakened, alone, battered, forgotten. I toyed with a fragment of the Great One's creation and I paid for it. I did nothing but show that soul pain and misery. I didn't understand. I thought it was just how things were. I fell unconscious and went into a deep sleep. The experience was too great and I needed to rest. Now I know why your god needed to sleep too.

The next night I awoke. I felt that familiar pressure, I felt that energy that put me here. It was the Goddess. I slowly opened my eyes to see. I reached out shakily with this limb you call an arm and hand, not quite knowing how to use it yet. I whispered, “Don't leave... I need you.”

The Goddess paused. Her face contorted, first in anger, and then in pity. Tears welled in her eyes. “What have I done? Why does everything have to suffer?” She was right. The place shouldn't exist and it was full of suffering. I whispered, still understanding physical speech, “Don't... cry. I deserve this... I understand... I'm sorry.”

This didn't console her. She just sat next to me and cried. The Goddess was broken. Through her tears, she spoke, “I never did this before, but you had made me so angry. It was just too much and you really didn't understand. I needed you to understand. So I had to show you. But I had to suffer to show you. I had to live her life. I had to feel everything just to prove a point. That did something to me. That's why you are like this now... What you did was unspeakable... but you are here now because of me.” She cried.

I was different now. Rayeanna was different. In an imperfect world of light, all the rules are broken when the one that made them is still asleep. Even his most powerful creations still wander in the dark.

Through her sobs and tears, her eyes started to glow faintly. Her mask of her true nature slipping under the emotional stress I had caused. I have seen this before in my old form. She was utterly broken. A moral code she never expected to break... but she had seen too much. She got too close. We both did. She didn't expect to find me trapped inside. I didn't expect to be brought into this world like this.

The only truth we knew was Diana was in a better place now.

So I mustered all my thoughts and abilities to squeeze her hand. I began to cry too. I was still remembering Diana's life. I was so scared and small and utterly alone. “I understand” was all I could say through the sobs. And so we did. In that dark empty hospital bedroom, we bonded.

The tears subsided. We touched hands and stayed close a little while longer. “My name is Rayeanna,” she said. She bent down and kissed my forehead. “You have a lot to learn,” the Golden Goddess said. Her voice softer, understanding, nurturing. Still otherworldly.

Two years later, I proposed to the Goddess. She accepted without question. Our shared trauma of the life of Diana forever etched in both of our souls. We trauma-bonded on a fundamental level that night. Inseparable. Familiar. Unique. Forever loyal. Forever grateful. Forever changed.

I will never be allowed in the light when this vessel expires, but I can fade away knowing I lived my best life forever changed by this perfect being of flawed creation.

—Thank you for reading and I hope you feel good. Please donate to show your support.

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