6/25/21
Yesterday, right after getting home with Madeline, it started pouring rain. I checked the weather radar and there was a huge storm covering the entire area. I assumed the guys wouldn't be able to continue working, so I called Garrett to see if they got rained out and ask if he would stop by the store on his way home to grab a few things so I could make chili for dinner. He didn't pick up. I didn't leave a voicemail or send him a text because I didn't want to pester him at work. I figured he would call me as soon as he saw I called. He never called me back. Didn't get home until almost 4. When I asked why he didn't call me back, he said he didn't know I called – and then that his phone doesn't show his missed calls. Blamed me for not texting him. Then he said they did get rained out, so he went to Keith's to have a few beers and order parts for a pool. So then I got mad for him not updating me.
We JUST had a conversation about this last week. He accused me of getting mad at him for going to Keith's for beers. I told him I don't mind him doing that, but it would be nice to know so I can plan my afternoon accordingly. I told him there are many days that I could be out getting stuff done, shopping, fishing, etc., but instead stay home thinking he will be home soon. As a result I end up wasting my time waiting around for him, wondering where he is. At the time he apologized and promised to be better at keeping me updated.
When I reminded him of that conversation, he told me he didn't think it mattered because he was home by 4 – it's not like he was out until 9 or something. I told him it was very obviously pouring rain, so I figured he would be home early. When he wasn't I had no idea where he was. I told him about not being able to get a hold of Madeline that morning, and how livid I was. Then he went and did the exact same thing to me. I reminded him how angry he would be for her doing that. His response: “well, I'm an adult.” I told him they both disrespected me and my time, which makes me feel like a piece of shit. He went into a monologue about what an awful feeling it as a parent when you can't get a hold of your child. Gave an example of Zach doing that to him when he was in Tucson and all the scenarios he had played out in his head. I reminded him of the time over the winter he was out plowing snow for 14+ hours. I had no idea where he was or when he would be back, so when he didn't respond to my calls or texts I honestly thought he was stuck in a snow bank somewhere. (At the time he told me the guy he was working with kept him talking – for HOURS.)
I know the “beers with Keith” story is believable – especially when Zach is with him. But truthfully, I wonder if he's actually out “getting a blowjob before coming home from work” and/or hanging out with Tina (who he is still so secretive about – I know he reached out to her when I left him in November. Who's to say he isn't still in contact with her?)
Speaking of Tina, the other day he mentioned a potential pool rebuild side job in Germantown. He doesn't know that I know she lives in Germantown. I've never been there, but it looks to be a very small town.
Garrett picked up a side job rebuilding a pool. He was supposed to do it last weekend, but had problems renting an excavator, so we ended up sitting around doing nothing all day Saturday. He was able to pick one up Tuesday, with plans to use it for jobs for Keith and backyard projects throughout the week, then get the pool rebuild done Saturday (now tomorrow). So I made lunch plans with Tori. Didn't tell Garrett because I don't want to listen to him complain about his daughter. “She gives me anxiety.” Whatever, I love the girl and am looking forward to spending some time with her. Especially without him around dropping snide comments at her. I can tell it bothers her, too.
Well, Garrett decided to finish his side job today so he doesn't have to work tomorrow – which means he most likely expects me to spend the day with him – which means I will most likely have to cancel my lunch plans with Tori. We have been trying to get together for a while now. I don't know what to tell her. I also really don't need him throwing a tantrum. I can hear it already: “I busted my ass to get this job done so I could spend the weekend with you!” Or accusing us of talking shit about him. At some point he'll get himself so worked up he'll forbid Madeline from getting driving lessons from Tori, and might even bring Tori into the argument. He did that a month or so ago. He was raging about Madeline's work schedule and difficulties getting her manager to understand (and comply with) her availability. So he called Tori, to get her to say that she had no issues getting her work schedule sorted out when she was a teen living at home. I texted her to apologize for him bringing her into it. She said he only asked her a question. We didn't discuss it any further. She doesn't need need that. Zach either. When he gets worked up he just HAS to bring someone else into it to take his side – usually with limited information.
Several months ago I had Madeline in treatment at a behavioral health center (VERY long story. Also a huge mistake). When she was discharged they sent all of her completed assignments home with her. He went through them ALL. He still hasn't stopped raging about some of the things she wrote in her worksheets. Anyway, he went to Dan and Kathy to “talk about issues with Madeline” (ie. complaining about her and looking for a sympathetic ear to side with him). I wasn't present for the conversation(s) so of course they only got HIS (exaggerated & slanted) side of the story. Of course he said nothing to them about how he treats her, how he demanded all her freedoms to be taken away, how his expectations of her are 10x higher (and unforgiving) than his expectations of his own son (or himself, for that matter). Of course, the feedback and advice he got from them was based on incomplete information. I don't remember everything he claims they said (and also don't know how accurate it is). I know Kathy commented that what was going on was very not normal (that much is obvious), and suggested a boarding school or halfway house. (I, personally, believe none of that – even the treatment – would be necessary if she had a healthy home environment. Like the one she had before he came along. Some days I loathe myself for what this atmosphere is doing to her emotionally and psychologically. But now I'm in too deep. Now that my eyes are finally wide open I'm struggling to come up with a safe way to escape.)