A series of transitional experiences buffered with liminal doughnuts

Planning...

Since I'm finally feeling well enough to sit up and focus on paperwork it's time to start dealing with my parents' estate and working through their wills.

It is very intimidating.

As a person who has lived the majority of my life in a state of poverty, and yet surrounded by people living in poverty and people living in wealth, it all seems very surreal.

On one hand, my responsibilities have multiplied significantly.

On the other hand, my resources have increased in an amount that I have no frame of reference to describe.

There are accounts that have numbers, but I'm not sure how those numbers relate to the needs under my responsibility.

I'm also coming into a place where, for the first time in my life, the majority of things under my responsibility are legally mine.

In the past I've worked with technical equipment and delivered things that are worth multiple millions of dollars. I've been legally responsible for those things and I was able to care for, use, and or deliver them as required.

This feels very different.

Also, I'm suddenly in a position where I can plan for my Spouse should anything happen to me. That feels intimidating, and yet terribly important.

I have a lawyer for the estate stuff, and I have a contact at a financial place that Dad used to use, but I'm not sure how to really learn about my options in a way that doesn't assume my goals or have a stake in whatever I decide.

I also need to figure out how to look into how inheriting stuff might affect my disability income.

I suppose that the first thing I need to do is make an appointment to speak with the lawyer in person, set up a list of questions and concerns, and make sure that I get answers or referrals for all of my questions.

This is just a lot to sit with.

I feel overwhelmed because I am overwhelmed. I'm just not sure who to trust to ask for help without pushing me into doing things or telling me what to do. I want help, but too often I've had to trade away my agency for help and I really don't want to do that right now.

Maybe that's the root of the thing. I feel like I've always had agency or help. I'm not sure I've had very many experiences of having both at the same time.

Welp, along with writing up that list of questions, I should probably hammer out a statement of my desire to have both help and agency in the decision making process.

So, tomorrow I do a little writing and I send out a couple of emails and I work to make values based decisions and then I get on with living with the consequences. As one does.