Working like a dog...
I had to put down my beloved Chihuahua companion of 14 years earlier this year. He was a beautiful tiny angry little man who was ready to pull a switchblade on anybody at any time. Still, when I was upset he would convince me to get into bed or lay down and he would lick my face and stay with me until I was okay again. When we were in social situations, he would pick up on my unease and he would act mean to others so that I could get us away where I would be more okay. Losing him was really hard but I didn't want to replace him. I didn't want to grab up the first Chi that came along. I wanted to find a breed and a breeder who would fit my life and get a companion animal who would work with me on myself in the way that I need most.
I was still taking care of P and since Covid restrictions were so good for my mental health, I'm going to do my best to stick by them for a while. Also, I don't want to catch Covid and add to my already impressive list of medical situations. I was willing to get a companion animal who would bond with me and who would need me to be present for an extended period of time.
Honestly, I considered getting a parrot. But I'm 47 and the chances of me outliving a parrot is not great. It wouldn't be right to bond with an animal that could live for seventy more years.
After research and asking around I decided that I would be interested in getting a Tibetan Spaniel. These are dogs that were bred as companion animals and alert animals, who were intended to support people living a contemplative and structured lifestyle, and they are still small enough for me to pick up. I figured that I'd look around for breeders, expecting to find nobody closer than 400 miles and expecting the purchase process to be impossible.
To my surprise there is a breeder about three hours away whose website was solid, whose credentials appeared sound, and who made a point of stating up front that their transactions are heavily based on what pup they believe will be a good match for the humans. I made a note that these would be people to contact if I was still interested in a few months and spent time saving up money.
One day I decided it was time. I went back to the website and saw that they were expecting pups in October and thought I'd fill out their contact form and introduce myself and ask about being considered for a dog. I gave a concise (you know it wasn't brief, but it was concise) history of my family, a description of our living situation, the benefits I'd gotten from my previous dog, and a description of what I'd be looking for in a new dog. I also mentioned that sex and color were completely unimportant as long as the breeder felt that the dog's personality would be a good match for us.
Then we waited. A few days. Email came back and the breeder told us that the puppies would be expected and we'd be welcome to choose one with her, but... she had a gold boy pup who had been reserved from an earlier litter as a potential show dog. She had decided not to add him to her show dogs, and might we be interested in considering him.
We asked about his personality and were pleased with what we read. We saw a picture of him and melted completely. Three days later, Spouse met the breeder half way and brought Kirion home to us.
This may seem abrupt. This may seem unusually fast. Less than a week from inquiry to bringing the dog home? A rare breed, show quality dog?
That's how the universe works.
Tibetan Spaniels are companion dogs the way that Terriers are ratters. The way that Retrievers leap into water. The way that Sheepdogs herd anything that they can identify as a thing that could might be herded. There is no aloofness in that little furry body. There is only, “Hi. I see you.” and “My darling, I see that you are suffering and I am here for you.” and “What if we were snuggling in the recliner and you brushed my fur? Just kidding.... unless....”
I can feel alone, but not at all lonely. I feel no pressure to be anybody, only to be present and aware of my presence. When I dissociate, he doesn't drag me back. He sits in the dissociation with me. When I'm triggered and hypervigilant he doesn't make me calm down, he checks the surroundings for danger and then sits with me in my experience. Sometimes he crawls up into my lap and licks my chin and then rests his head against my neck and shoulder and falls fast asleep. Relaxed, trusting, present.
It has been so amazingly good to have him here. I don't want to be dramatic when I say that he has already saved my life because I would not have died without him, but he has saved certain qualities of my life that are very fragile and under great stress right now.
Training puppies is hard. Training willful little miscreants is harder. Kirion is both. When I call him I can watch him think about it. When I scold him I can see him working on how to make this into a game. He is not obedient, but he is cooperative. After struggling with leash training, I learned something from a trainer and got a long lead. When we walk now he's not heeling, but he is checking in with me and staying with me.
We're struggling with litter box training, too. So I've asked questions and gotten suggestions and after working today and rejiggering his litter box I watched him start sniffing around for a place to poop and then booking to the litterbox to go in there.
I got him a feeder ball that holds food and treats and will drop them out onto the floor when rolled. For three days we've been spending ten minutes or so playing with it together. I'd place a treat under the ball and he'd move it to get the treat. Other treats would fall out. A few minutes ago I saw him sniff the ball and then move it with his paw to make food fall out. He did this for a little while and then moved on to something else.
He's telling me that it's time for bed. That means we case the house, lock the doors, brush teeth, and get into bed. He'll check the perimeter of the bed and pounce on Spouse's head until she grunts and hides under her pillow (she's already sleeping). When I tuck in, he'll come sniff my head and play at trying to eat my hair. I'll grab his chew bone and hold it for him while he gnaws on it. When he is calm and relaxed he'll crawl down and snuggle against Spouse's legs until I stop thrashing around to get comfortable. He'll sleep against one or the other of us but he doesn't push us around to get more space.
In the morning, when I wake up groggy and grumpy that I have to go DO stuff, he'll give me a doggy smile and I'll have to admit that stuff isn't really all that bad when dog is my co-pilot.