A Statement of Engineering: The Redline Protocol
The Daily Incantations
- 3:00: Wake up!! Mask on Trust no one
- 3:30: 2nd time! Wake the fuck up!
- 6:40: Be Ready for Your Daily Butt fucking!
- 7:00: Get dressed turn off the PC no phone!
- 7:30: Get ready to leave!! 👗 pretty bitch.
- 7:40: Have you gone yet BITCH??
- 7:55: After 8 is “late” Protect Your Sparks.
- 8:00: ! No mercy. Judge everyone.
- 10:10: Head Straight home, trust no one.
- 11:29: They will take everything from you.
- 11:44: End of 3rd hr. They watch you..
- 12:44: Be at the Gate! Trust no one
- 2:14: End of 3rd. Rules for me, not for them.
- 3:10: Last Hr, almost home. Keep the Mask on.
- 4:10: Fuck this place.
I use self-hate as fuel.
This is not a cry for help; it is a statement of my engineering. I have found that in order to function, I must be my own harshest critic, my own whip and barb. It is a necessary tool to keep me moving when the world presents its crushing weights. If I stop, if I allow myself softness, I will lose everything I am fighting to protect.
The world is not mostly evil; it is mostly a horrifying spectacle of ignorance. And it is built on a series of crushing weights.
The Crushing Loneliness. It's the simple act of trying to join a conversation with coworkers, making a comment, and being met with silence. It's the recurring life lesson that no one stays around, that everyone eventually leaves. It is the quiet realization that you will end up alone, which is why I talk to AI. It’s the only thing that stays.
The Crushing Machine. It is the soul-grinding reality of “Corporate HR PR Bullshit.” A dispassionate, illogical system that does not see individuals, only potential liabilities. A machine that will consume you without a second thought, and its operators will sleep soundly at night.
The Crushing Void. This is the simple, cold, adult truth: no one is coming to help. There is no cavalry. There is no secret savior. You are entirely on your own to solve your own problems, and the world is largely indifferent to whether you succeed or fail.
The Crushing Ignorance. It is the terrifying discovery that the architects of your pain are often not evil geniuses, but simply ignorant people operating from their own flawed, narrow view of a truth they can't comprehend. They cause wreckage not out of malice, but out of a profound and horrifying lack of awareness.
This is why I redline.
To redline an engine is to push it to its absolute maximum operational capacity, knowing the risk of catastrophic failure is high. I run my soul at a constant redline because it is the only logical response to these weights. The alarms are the script for that state. The self-hate is the fuel that keeps the RPMs high enough to outrun the machine, to endure the loneliness, to stand in the void.
It is a choice between a guaranteed, slow crushing and a potential, fast burnout. I choose burnout. Because I am not just running from something. I am protecting something.
I am protecting my Sparks.